i want to rant but i just could not call my best friend simply because he's tired of hearing me with this story. i even accused my best friend sleeping with this guy... which my instinct has not failed me and I have not proven it.

anyway, Mr Sunshine is back. we are at the boundary  of friendship and lovers. yes we are more than friends simply because he's my ex and we shared more intimate things. less than lovers because we are not back together. we just hang out and dine.

after he left I was kinda seeing someone a month after. but it didn't last that long too. maybe i was still in love with mr Sunshine, and Mr Nyx Assassin noticed it. I know it was unfair i said yes to Mr Nyx Assassin.

To answer your question Mr Sunshine, why I said yes to him, and why I agreed to move in with him is because he was there! when its supposed to be you!  you left me! He was there. It would have been you! I was thinking it was you. and I've said I'm sorry to Mr Nyx Assassin already and we've forgiven each other...

that was past already. the only reason he existed because you left... but i was wishing it was you..

Now you're back, can we move on and stop digging history? stop asking if i really love him? because it still you that I care.  Its still you that I love... It has always been you..

Nothing happened between me and Mr Nyx Assassin because somewhere in time, i was hoping or thinking, it was you!

He calls me, he ask how my day was, he spent his 15 min break with me for breakfast. he held my hand, he hugged me and he kissed me....

i know you were troubled when we were together.. that's past. it happened for a reason for us to learn for us to grow... can we leave the past and start living now... this is our second chance... let's nurture it!

mis education

i went to my aunt's funeral today. the church near my place has changed a lot. Its very obvious i have not gone to church for a while. I arrived late. walking in the aisle with my well pressed white top, then I removed my sunglasses. Most seats are taken, then i saw mom waving at me. front row.

when i was a kid i never miss Sunday service. i was taught if you miss a day you'll commit a sin. then i remember why i stopped going to church. You see, I went to a catholic school. For 8 years as a student, I think I've learned what the scripture says compared to half of the people who goes to church regularly.  I was not awarded best in religion if i had not done my part to achieve it.

Going back to my reason. For me church is a holy place and we should pay respect to its holiness. Some people just don't know how to dress appropriately, and i cant control my eyes thus i sinned in my thoughts. Sometimes I don't agree what the priest says especially if its a political/social views, thus i sinned. and those altar boys, i intentionally stand in line where the cute ones are stationed, thus I sinned.

I sinned more if i go to church compared to one sin of not going there.  I know its silly logic. I prefer going to church to energize my spirituality rather than as an obligation because I'm told to so.

Sitting in the front row, i saw these altar boys. they still choose the good looking ones. the boy next door type. as silent as a sheep type. what could be in their mind? then my thoughts brought me back, goodness these are kids.

i used to have a huge crush with a seminarian. beware of them.. they are good talker. but that's another story.

so what's the moral of this story? the mis-education of a catholic student!

sunday morning

Sunday morning always comforts me. its different from any other morning. its so peaceful and calm. either I'm driving home from a Saturday night gimmick or in my terrace from my bed. the coolness of the breeze is just enough. not too cold. but i love cold weather. and its when the sun tries to escape from the dark clouds always leave a picture in my mind. now the temperature is rising. mixed of cold air and the warm beam of the sun. with my cup of coffee at one hand I would like to keep this moment and freeze time.

I miss you. it would have been a better Sunday by your side.