how are you?

Do you greet people "how are you?" because you really mean to know how he is doing? or do you greet "how are you" out of a habit?

"how are you?" is a powerful question. it can be an opener to a great conversation. It can maintain a strong friendship. It can also rebuild a relationship.

to a stranger, it could mean just a mere greeting. like to the sales lady in your favorite shop who is more than willing to help you find what you look for. who will respond to you with a warm and welcoming smile. to the janitor in your office who's not tired of delivering your mails. who manages to respond you with a nod. to the security guard in your village, who displays dedication to his work and cares to say "good morning sir" back to you.

These "how-are-you's" may just come out from our mouth out of habit, but to these people, it may mean a big thing because the line "how are you?" implies a gesture that you care for them. the number of hours the sales lady needs to stand to help customers, the wide spaces the janitor must clean and manage to deliver some letters, the sleepless hours the guard needs to be awake to protect you.

how much more to a dear friend who is troubled. hearing "how-are-you?" can move mountains. to your parents who never complained about how tough it is to raise you. "how are you?" can make their heart feel light.

so when asked "how are you?" you may want to know how's the person asking is doing too. for sometimes, it's us who needs to be asked, "how are you?"

I said NO

"hi! I miss your Italian spaghetti and your spicy chicken wings." a window popped while i was busy scrolling my page. I said great, Mr. Big found me in FB. Now i started to question FB's security. Well, partly my fault because I have my full name listed. Who would have thought after five years he will come looking for me. I mean we have moved on.

I love to cook. In every relationship I've had, they were associated with recipies. Mr. Big's was east-meets-west.  A modern witch craft for love potion. And, as they say, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

He asked me out.  I just replied with a smile and told him I was busy at work. Or I was doing something. Or any reason I could think of like I was out of town. I dont want to awaken the feelings Ive buried long time ago. Its too dangerous to play fire which I had been burned. I'm healed now.

But I dont want to be quoted as rude if I block him.  I mean, I used to care for this guy. Come on he used to be special. So I just let him. Let him know my wherebouts, let him see my pics, let him know in a subtle way that I'm happy with my life now.

There was a time, after we broke up, i call it dark ages, when i became alcoholic, i tried drugs, became agnostic, slept with just anyone to feel wanted. But i was able to bounce back, good grief!.

You know the song "You made me stronger by breaking my heart." Yup, that's me. My perspective has chaged in a good way.

Then, he noticed, "Are you avoiding me?"

"Nope. I'm just really busy." I lied.

"Can I see you? I need to tell you something." he has not changed, he still sounds commanding. "why are you not answering my phone calls?" he continued.

"I am now." I said "Your drunk. Same old?"

"Can you come here? I need you." the last time I fell on that bait, when I I arrived, he just smiled and said "nothing, I just miss you". and I was rushing I thought it was emergency.

"I can't. I'm at work. bye I need to get back"

Remembering the time I resisted, makes me proud of myself. He painted my world black, I turned it green and now he's back to tear me apart again.  That moment I said NO, i said to myself, for once you made a right decision for the first time! 

Fuck the bed stone

hi everyone. its been a while. and yes I'm still single. I have had some relationships since my last post and you guess it right.. it had a half life of that ²¹³At (Astatine). My best friend introduced him last March just right after my birthday.  like as a birthday present or something to that effect.. surprise... at an Instant, we clicked. We have had a few dates. movie. dinner. just like the usual. we enjoyed sharing food together. went to places together. it was perfect. the kiss was good too. the breakfasts right after shift. exchanged gifts. cakes.candies. endless phone calls. the hellos the i love you's.


We did our groceries together and believe me I had been wanting to experience that.. call it corny but I find it sweet. Its a nice date actually, simple and fun like in a grocery store with wide variety.. taking your time in the aisles. you talk while you scan each shelves... you'll know the person better on what brands he picks, what flavor he choose, there's a story in every thing you will buy. like why you don't like oregano in your pasta. how safeguard can dry your skin. which hot-dogs taste better.


so i mentioned the kiss was good. when things got hotter and wetter he stopped. "i think it's too soon for that. Don't you think?" okay fine. He rushed to the toilet, took a bath and found his way to the bed and snored! He left me and my kidneys in pain because if the unfinished business.


Every time I got my hands down under he stops. Wearing only my undies he asked,"are you trying to seduce me?" and i replied with sarcasm in my tone, "no, I'm getting ready to sleep". I told him with a fake smile, "you know the court recognizes this as valid case for annulment."


One day he asked me how I celebrate monthsary... other than its corny as a cornfield I told him, I don't because none of my relationships had lasted that long. The he broke his surprise, he wanted to go to the beach with me, he had a surprise.


Maybe lightning had struck him or something he texted me, "Sorry, I cant make you happy!" I asked clarifying questions... "What do you mean Bhe? I'm happy with you, you inspire me to do good at work, with my life now. You took me to a grocery store and I love you for that". he replied "coz you always think about sex!"


Like WHAT? maybe I think about sex at times but NOT always. So he left.  He left me feeling like I'm the biggest slut in this town. I feel humiliated like I cant live without sex in a day!  I mean its great to have both, a guy who takes you to a grocery store and the same guy who rocks in a bed-stone. But,  fuck the bed stone I want a guy who takes me to a grocery store.


the end!