Quit playing games

Care to play a game called "Who falls first"

My Sunday Starbucks buddy, Eric, finally found his prince charming. I can see cherubs hovering above him singing their theme song.. Broken-Hearted Girl... ops wrong song.. uhmm Chasing Pavements... hehehe nooooo... silly Eric why are you singing these songs.... I can't think... uhmmm what's your theme song.... anyway..

I can see cherubs hovering above him humming... hmmmm... "what's with the smile Eric" I commented. He has been wearing that smile to the point that I get annoyed. Hahaha that was just me being bitter... I guess from coffee...

Sometimes, Eric brings his boyfriend, which by the way is 19 years old... you see I dont have a problem with that... I just need to stress it that he is 19 and I said it again. Eric brings his boyfriend for a coffee... I know, I am the third wheel... or an audience to their display of affection publicly... again I don't mind... although sometimes I do... you know when people look at them instead of noticing my beauty...

So they have a project for me. I said it's sweet but no thank you. They said they will find me a boyfriend. As of now, dating is last in my to-do list. I guess there's no harm in it so I said okay... fine. So I met Harley. He is cool, charming and tall. He is in a way sweet. And he is soon to be a pilot. Isn't that the coolest? But he is 19 years old. and i just stared at them blankly then smiled in sarcasm. I force my smile up to my ears and show my pearly white teeth.

The night ended well in bed... I mean well... the night ended well... man he can dance. he asked me to come up with him in the ledge... that's the spirit... I had this spirit when I was younger... not that I'm old... yeah I will be 30 in few months from now. nothing to worry.. I did not have a good 20s.. it was all roller-coaster-achy-breaky-heart ride.. am just glad its over.

he asked me to come up with him in the ledge... well I don't dance anymore because my knees hurts, well that night, Harley brought back a good memory. So I let go of my hesitations. He grabbed my hand and smiled... That face I can't forget. He is indeed charming. Sometimes, I caught myself smiling thinking of that face... and my seatmate started to get annoyed... Who falls first? not me.. I mean not yet... am not there yet... but I fell from the ledge. as if that was my first!

"You belong with me" were his last four words before I took that cab. Silly kid, he had a last-song-syndrome. Somehow it moved me but I contain myself not to go to that level.


"Good guys from my generation had already been taken... Let me be the first to take the few good men of the new generation." I think this is Eric guiding principle. I thought it's smart but what is this manufacturing plant? I'm not gonna go there..

There's nothing wrong going out with a kid. In fact they are more energetic. I felt young again. They adore you and sex is soo good. I could not ask for more. but I choose not to go there. So let us just hang out and play "Who falls first". Let us tease each other and enjoy the moment. Thank you for kindling my spirit... it means so much... Now, can I date your professor instead...

Ally meets Billy

this is my 100th post. I thought this better be good... so I squeezed my brain on important things to right... but I could not just think of any... politics... social welfare.. work... nothing...

I realized everything i post here are all rants... negative vibes... that's why I like my page... somehow after writing it make me feel better....

This will be my last rant... I need to do it in writing... shows commitment... this time I'm serious about it...

I blame this to Ally McBeal... I just needed to think of something to blame it to... no that's not a good idea! bygones...

ok this story about unfinished business.... I wanna finish this... as in now... damn... dadadadadada... i'm bothered... I need to take a moment....

now i'm talking to myself... scary...


work has been pretty shitty... but I guess what wont kill you will only make you stronger... and I hope after today I will be stronger.... I'm like a an insecure rat who has been hiding in my own hole scared of the world!!! what am I talking about.... words flowing and I can bare catch my typing.... I was talking about work... work.. July ended well... my team passed QA.. that's good... be better than yesterday... that's what I always share to my team... I have so many words of wisdom... but I can't seem to apply it to my own self...

dadadadadada....

my weekend buddy is seeing someone now... so I guess... i will have more time alone... alone to think of strategies about work... work again... ok.. time to think about my new room... yeah my room... my very own flat is almost done... more time to shop for bed... mirror.. chairs... utensils... that's an achievement right...... I guess...

dadadadada

months from now I'l be 30... wow... took me sometime to think if i have to write my age here.. but yes I will be 30... there I wrote it again... fine lines are coming out... why a i scared of that number... have I lived my 20s right? am i done being 20 something plus.... can I extend it... my room... its over looking the city... I like it when I wake up in the evening i see the city lights... its cold... the word cold... it will be colder... cold rhymes with old... 30 and alone... these things are stressing me.....


dadadadada

so decided to go out today... birthday... happy birthday to her.... my friend's sister... when everyone else were drinking beer... I was with my cup of coffee... cant help it.. I feel sleepy even after 8 hours of sleep I still felt sleepy... watching ally mcbeal would have been better... wait.. I have not seen the Air Bender... but i dont watch movies alone... but i'm alone... no...

dadadadada

i was about to go home... after months of not partying... same crowd.. I thought... i saw at least 10 people i slept with... bygones!...

the moment i step out of the bar... feels like time slowed... breeze was bit chilly it hit my cheeks... then time stopped... I saw my "Billy"... all lights at him... still stunning... i froze.. cold as ice.... I could not even move my muscle to make a smile... damned it... it has been a long time and why??? i started acting like Ally.... where will it lead me...


i'm normally shy with videos... but my life seems like i'm in a reality tv... all cameras are rolling.. following me... all lead role's friends are happy... the star always end up sad and alone.... alone that word.. how many time i have said that here....

this will be the last... i feel better now... this page never fail me... there my last rant!