Tuesday, December 28, 2010

celebrating love this Christmas

Some people can't live without partners. I know some friends.. they really go gaga if they don't have boyfriends. When they change partners, it's like changing diapers. no kidding! i mean that soon?!.. Sometimes it made me asked them if what they feel is true love or is it just for the heck of it. Funny! but for me I wont settle for any less...

I guess, that's why I'm still single, eh?! I mean there's nothing wrong with being single. Only holidays makes it bad. This Christmas, just like any other christmas, I have survived! It was tough but I made my way out the next day.

These past years, we dont celebrate christmas anymore. That makes it worse. You see, I'm the only one left with my parents. My sisters are in Canada, my brothers have their own famly already. Christmas eve in our house is just any ordinary day. Except for the poor tree in front of us this year, its dimly lighted with red, green and yellow bulbs!

I just figured how ironic, you see, its just the three of us, my mom, dad and me, yet we transfered to a bigger house. My mom said, what if your brothers and sister will come home? Where will they stay... Mom always has a point... Makes it more lonely actually. Although partly, I like it because I can sleep in the morning better. It's also a perfect place for emo mood. Its quite elevated and from my terrace, I can see the city. actually, quite romantic... its too quiet that sometimes the sound of silence is sooo deafening.. it makes you crazy.... if things get worse, jumping is an option for suicide.

Surprisingly, this Christmas is different. My cousin Janice arrived from Hongkong with her husband. Oh yeah she knows what I want. She brought Feigling. It's a vodka in small shot bottles and we alternate it with a super dry italian white wine. Perfect with our roast chicken. My brothers with their families visited us too. I'm not really a fan with kids but they behaved well... they even tag their dog along... eewwww... but it was a fun. It felt like I was a kid again. Now, that's Christmas, right?! Spending with people you love most.

The next day, I received a bag of chocolates... not just a small pouch but really a BAG of Cadbury and Lindt.. yum-yum.. I can't imagine how many calories that would cost me! its Christmas sooo I gave in. My cousin Joy from New Zealand opened the door and greeted me... wow! I've had soo many surprises for the past two days... I love my cousins.. they really know what i want... I know my sisters couldn't make it this Christmas, I have send them my greetings already! Nevertheless, the joy that I felt, you know that feeling, it was taken from you.. then you have it again... then you really miss so much.. you dont want to let go of that feeling... you linger on it... but you know it will be over soon... then you'll be back to your old self..

On a serious note, people see me as walking shopping bag... shopping helps sometimes.. its a therapy... but what I really want the most and appreciate the most, is the feeling of security... there are people who loves you.. and they are called your FAMILY. I'm blessed and that's the best gift i received this year and I'm grateful.

see I dont need a boyfriend!

Friday, December 17, 2010

User-Friendly Friend

"Friends are there for you when you are sad...but Best Friends already have a shovel to bury the loser that made you cry"

For most of my friends, that’s how we define our friendship. We don't often see each other but when someone gives a ring, you know it’s an emergency. Something must be up, either a good news or not so good news.

Fast forward... Stan and I hang out a lot; we share the same interest, which is coffee. During weekends, like in the lazy afternoons, we stay at the nearest Starbucks burning our lungs out with Marlboro lights and a cup of coffee on the other hand. He always has his drip while I have my cafe mocha. Sometimes, we do that after shopping bags of clothes, shoes and some stuff...

Fast Forward... He found the love of his life, Dave. They are all crazy together. They are showy most of the time, which makes me puke. Seriously, I'm happy for them. While I, have my reasons why I decided to stay single. Other than the fact that no one is interested yet.. ..hahaha... I'm just playing in the safe side. I have become a scared-y cat. Rejection seems traumatic. (a round of applause for those who can relate)

Fast Forward… Things have changed between Stan and Dave. Dave started to be cold while Stan has become insecure. Just to keep Stan sane, I gave him reasons and possibilities and all the good what ifs and maybes. “What if he is just sleeping or maybe his phone is off because he’s bat is empty. Or simply he left his phone. He couldn’t be seeing someone else! Will you stop with that thought, you are just making your own problem”

His insecurities have eaten him alive. To make thing worse, he went to see his ex for a quick sex fix. What a wrong move! That is the problem I told him. Dave is not to blame. Remember, thinkers are doers!

Fast Forward… Then I met Paul. Paul is a good guy. They are friends with Dave. We started hanging out. Yes, I like him. But I know he is just not the right guy for me. I do care a little. But I know myself better now; so we remained friends.

Stan is still crazy about Dave. He invites Paul for dinner just to ask the whereabouts of Dave. Crazy huh?! (I shouldn’t be jealous because Paul and I are just friends but its more than that)

Stan has history of doing that. I heard other people talk. People say he is manipulative selfish bitch. He goes his way just to get what he wants. Well, we are friends so I just ignore them and I think that is just normal.

Too bad because Stan has proven himself to me what other people were saying are true. When I learned he went to see Paul, I know what’s in his mind. I don’t care if he sleeps with Paul, that’s not my worry. Ok I’m lying… maybe partly. The main reason is… all Paul sees about Stan is he is a good friend. What Paul didn’t know is Stan is talking behind his back, all the dirty works.

Stan might have my Jack for the night but what Stan forgot I have his Ace of a lifetime. When his secret is out that he went to his ex for a quick sex fix, he knows everything will be over with Dave.

Revenge is sweet but I will rest my case for the holiday. I have changed and I have grown out of it. Too bad for you, you just lost my shovel! You can never drag me back to my old self. I dont want to be a trouble maker again. I hope you will have a peace of mind.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Better late than never!

I'm neither a good writer nor a storyteller. I don’t have the variety of words to capture a moment. My grammar is not as good as others. hahahah disclaimer.

But there is something about writing. That moment when you hit that publish button. You feel that rush, a feeling of release... you know that you are okay already. Even more when random people send their insights; you know that you are not alone. Some people experience the same thing, some people oppose. That makes it dynamic.

Am I climbing the right mountain? That has been the question I've been asking myself for the past months. I apologize to my friends for I have not updated my page. I assume some people still read this site and I'm grateful. I'll do my best to update this great avenue of my whereabouts, what's hot and what not, the tears of joy and that not so happy moments. And to reach to other people I've missed so much here.

The year is about to end and I've been blessed for this year. I'm grateful for good health, caring friends, for the job that pays and most importantly a loving family.

I may have failed along the way. As Abraham Lincoln said " Always bear in mind that your resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing." I'm looking forward for next year. I will make it a better year. It's about finding my purpose!

I will be a better person and you will hear a lot about it here!