Saturday, February 20, 2010



My heart crushed when my agent talked to me about her husband having an affair with another woman! Whoa! With another man would have been worse and I wouldn’t know what words to say to her.

I was about to discuss her scores for last week when she burst to tears. And not just teary eyed but she cried like a river. And sobs almost like a lion roar. I panicked because I didn’t know what to say.

Just like a lightning, it hit me… I recalled some lines from popular authors like John Maxwell, Paulo Coehlo, Stephen Covey and the likes… I was surprised of myself to say those lines. And I even advised her to pray… wait a minute… when was the last time I prayed? But on a serious tone, I said it sincerely.

I’m-a-team-lead-slash-guidance-counselor. So I set aside her stats, anyway, she is fairly performing except for her Average Handle Time (AHT). Perhaps that’s what’s driving her AHT to sore, her personal concerns. Who says the role of a team lead is easy?

Way back when I was an agent, I had thought if I could handle that role. I believe in order to be successful as team lead the approach should be holistic. Your scores will not describe you. I learned that from my philosophy teacher… See I’m a nerd!


Observing her crying like baby in my station, I was holding back my emotion. It must be really painful. Has the other woman realize this? Once a perfect family and now its broken because of her. and the kids?


When I arrived home, I was sobbing. I’m guilty! I was sorry! I must have torn and crushed my friend’s heart badly when he found out that I was the other person!

Monday, February 15, 2010

in my own world

A Pisces can be dreamy. oh I dream a lot even when I'm wide awake. That's me, I'm the fish. We are described as imaginative. I can create from nothing into a big world. That's my fantasy world. Sometimes, while riding a bus, long distance travel, mostly coastal route I would think that I live in this big castle. It is situated in an island far from the city of course. It always interests me the view of the ocean. Feels like I just belong there. It's calling my name, as loud yet as calming as the tide drifts to the sand. Somewhere in the middle of the ocean, its welcoming me.

Yes I have a horse, a white one. I can imagine galloping in a long stretch of white sand. then take a plunge in the cold blue ocean. I would swim for hours. dive as if I have gills. flips like a dolphin. play with the old turquoise. i don't like pearls though. Jumps through the air and dive back... i could stay in the water for long.

sometime I could feel I can command the sea. Like water bending. water is my power! my imagination went overboard, i know... but this scene keeps playing and playing in this gray mass floating inside my head. this is beyond imaginary. this is mental illness! but somehow I feel comfort thinking that. Am I losing my screws and giving up the real world.

The real world seem to chaotic and harsh. They are mean and it bites. Inside my head there's ease and I'm liking i better. I think I'm getting crazy. but I want to stay there.

My love story. My knight and shining Armour. someone strong and who can save me. He intimidates me but someone he loves me. whom I could serve breakfast in bed with my own cooking freshly picked from my own garden. bathe him in a fountain. massage him with mint and rose oils. I love him for simply just being there!

I cant bear the real world. there's hatred. I'm taken for granted. rejected. pain. i think I'm losing it. I dont want to go back to the real world... In my world, I'm safe. In my world, I'm free. In my world i feel alive.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


This day, just like any ordinary days, shall pass too!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

work cat-pus fight

I'm so pissed! It started with hormonal imbalance. Today is one of those days that insecurity is eating me whole. I was trying to wear a smile so my people would not notice it. I don't want to rub to them my loneliness because I know how tiring their work is. In a call center, whatever your emotion, it will reflect to the calls, no matter how hard you try, but you can really tell if you have a bad day. I don't want that to happen to my agent. I want to attract positive vibes. So I tried to hide it, at least I'm not taking sup calls (if you're asking why? we have escalations department)

Until this fugly (fat and ugly) bitch tried to rub his insecurity to me. He is my fellow supervisor. He claims to be closeted and let me quote max "he's the closeted type but he's leaking fairies and rainbows and pixie dust" (thanks for the description max). H claims to be straight. Let me stress this out, pink rubber shoes and blue contact lenses? good! that's my point!

A leader takes responsibility of his own team. Get your squatted and pimply nose out of my team or simply get you fugly face out of my way! Cause no matter how expensive the cream you will put on your face, may it be Lancome or Clinique you will always be fugly! Perhaps miracle whip can make miracle!

Don't blame me if your agents hate you because you are strict with all the rules that you imposed! I trust my agents and if they fail then I will take the responsibility! I love my people and they love me back. Unlike you, who demands respect from them. Memos like insubordination are for insecure supervisor who cannot control his team! I am not insecure as you are, so don't rub it in! The last thing I need from you is your negative energy!

My people are not stupid and so as your agents. 2-hours post shift huddle is for stupid people who cannot understand easily or you who cannot explain things in a simple way!

Mind your own business how I run my people. First, you are not my manager and you didn't hire me! Second, I have a life and you don't. Third, because you're fugly.

In spite of it all, I thank you. I ended my day with a lesson. You helped me realized that I'm not a loser! you are worse then "the pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum."

there, i feel better now!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Death of a cheerleader

30 - the death of a cheerleader!

my best friend back in high school and I often joke about the age at 30. Its the death of a cheerleader. Its our death! Looking back, i realized how silly we were. Now, we are months away and it scares the hell out of me!

I have aged...

No more plays. its time to settle down. when whoring becomes boring. always a stranger. but how when I have not met the one I like, nor he has not found me. Or I have met someone yet ends up the wrong one. I have tried what the little prince said, bout what is essential is invisible to the naked eye. nada! alright you read me, I go for looks. rule#1

No more parties. tell me what's wrong with this picture, mid 40's guys in the dance floor with the early 20's. Let go of your crown! give it to the kids! i don't have to worry though cause i still look like 25... somehow I just feel that i don't fit. I should hit the coffee shop instead or start building a garden.. hahah! Seriously, I know its still months away but it seems, the time has arrived sooner than I expected.. All the loud music makes my tummy sick.. and am only up to a bottle of Redhorse or Gilbys Premium Strong. I can't even dance anymore.. my knees hurt.. i'm not kidding... well its been hurting since college... but i just ignored it... Rule#2. he must be finacially blessed. No students allowed, well, if you're a Zobel de ayala.. why not!? Seriously, tuition fees are parents obligation. i dont want to end up as a charity institution. keep off the party scene coz its a kid thing.. tea party and sunday brunches will do.

I am an engineer, at least I have the title my best friend didn't get his ATTY title. Instead he got the stepford fag award... we agreed before that at 30 we should be successful with our career! i'm happy with my job but not as an engineer though, naah I still have the title and am paying yearly taxes for it... my best friend is married and I'm not... that's his sucess story! rule#3 a marrying type. it has been known in the history of mankind bout men's loyalty to his partner... my partner should be head over heels in love with me. and that he love me more than I do!

naahh i better hit the sack.. i bet he's in my dreams wandering... anyways it still months away.. I'l be okay for now... getting ready for the death of a cheerleader! that's me!