Sunday, July 3, 2011

castle and walls

Rapunzel. That's me. Except that, i have a short hair and its not even golden. I'm in my terrace right now, playing with my PC. The city is inviting with its yellow light. And from a far, it looks serene. The hazy air completes the picture. Quite the opposite of what's really happening. The street lamp glows and it hypnotizing.
somewhere out there is my prince. i know he's looking for me. He'll find his way to my little castle and rescue me from this misery.
I know it wont be tonight. I'm in my terrace with my cup of coffee. Waiting in vain. where are you and what struggles you've been through finding my castle?
last night, the city lights captured me. So I took a quick shower. Put on a good top. Suddenly, it rained. my friend said, "if there's a will there's a way,"... "good point but i wouldn't be wearing my boots" I replied. "dial-a-cab and drop your ass off here" he commanded! so I obliged.
We went to Penthouse. DJ Elmer was playing. My moves were a bit off. Its been ages since I went out to party. Partly my fault because I let myself become a prisoner of my own room. The music started to warm every single cell of my body up... a beer in my hand and a cigarette on the other. No E for me that night. I wanted to go home sane. That other side of me has been long gone. I don't want him resurrected. I'm a good person now. I think.
"where's your prince?"... I replied, "I don't know!" cutting the mojo potato in half. I had been in the dance floor all night.. that made me hungry. "He's somewhere", I continued.   
"I think you should date a mason." My friend suggested. Then my eyes went clueless waiting for my friend to finish his statement. He could really see a big question mark on my face so he continued "so that someone can break the walls your creating". I jokingly replied "why not a welder, the walls I've created were made of iron."
If you have experience being hurt, your self defence skills increases. why would you let yourself be hurt again?! I'm not even aware of these walls but my friend read me correctly. I don't want to become a porcupine. "Go out! meet more people! drop your pots and pails. gardening is for old people. and learn to know them before you put on your guards. We are not getting any younger so don't waste your time."

I'm in my terrace. Its raining again. my cup is empty. no sign of him coming home tonight.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Prodigal Son

Riding Jeepney makes your mind wander while waiting for your next stop. Today, I passed by my favorite coffee shop. The logo caught my eyes. I was staring at it blankly, hypnotized. Like a moth bedazzled by the burning fire. It was tempting.

From a distance, funny how I could hear the short laughs of the people enjoying their newly brewed coffee. Sealing of business deals and gossiping are some activities in a coffee shop. I used to do both.

At times, I just enjoy being alone. Just me and my warm tall mocha. Wasting time, waiting for the time. Its like my third place already. I may not dare eating out or watch movie by myself, but in my favorite coffee shop, I feel that it’s ok to be alone.

Sip after sip, alternate with puff of Marlboro. Playing with my phone, checking my play list or logging to FB. Scrolling my phonebook list, checking friend who I can bother. And I thought, it’s already fun.

Who would have thought that a 3-n-1 coffee could be more fun? A 5 peso coffee compared to my favorite 160 peso tall mocha?

Before coming to work, just right after dinner, my parents and I enjoy sharing our cup of coffee. Talking about anything like the weather, news, politics, about us – our family. watching a tv show. It took me years to get my parent’s attention. You see, we are a party of 5. Being the fourth am always left out. All of them have left the house and have their own family. I have my parents all by myself. Just like the way I want them before. I love them.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

100 days

100 days of solitude. I like the title though I have not read the book. Just the sound of it seems interesting. I promise to find time to read that book, I will. I'm not sure what I will be writing will be related to that story. I just want to write it. Again, i like the title.

Gas soars as high as $4 per gallon. Driving is not an option for me. Well, I don’t have my car. My car is with my brother. Mom always says the older kid should always gives way. I didn't buy it anyway. I didn’t come from my pocket. It was just a gift from my sister for a job well done. I guess my mom has installed that philosophy to my sister as well. Good grief!

Taxi had been my option. But seems like all the hard-work earn goes to taxi fare. We wouldn’t be working just for the taxi ride would we?

So I'm left with this option - riding Jeepney. I know it’s not cool. Yet, it’s fun perhaps because its been a while and it has been days still. It’s a longer route for me from home to work which makes me think a lot. Looking at the people, staring at their faces tells different stories, some happy some sad, some are in love and some are lonely. So which face do I have?

Looking at them made me feel that I'm just alright. And what I am going through will be temporary. I will make sure it is temporary.

Our clique has this pact, "We may be poor but we have a lifestyle to keep". Now I'm not sure how long I can keep that pact. Totally high-school-ish, I know. Thinking about it, makes me smile. Wow peer pressure, I thought I can only find it through my reading. This lifestyle is killing me. The confession a certified social climber.

Or perhaps it’s only in my mind. There’s nothing wrong with riding a jeepney, yes it’s a status symbol. But hey, the situation now calls for it. It’s hard to admit but I’m taking this bold step at least for 100 days.

To my fellow “kat-kat” I say goodbye for now. Like a worm waiting to become a butterfly. Wish I’m a kid again.. troubles of being an adult.

Friday, March 18, 2011

TMI - Thursday...

Last week I met Brent.  Oh yeah he rang my bell!  No matter how I hid the bell inside me, just like in a lion dance, where the lion dancers jump high and low, trying to reach that red envelope. We've tried all positions, damn he's good in pushing. My knees gave in.  and I think i left scratch marks on his back when i tried to get a grip.

its the after sex talk that I hate.  most of the time, i fix myself, put on my shirt and bade goodbye.  Well, with Brent, I was looking forward for a second round. so I stayed.  then he started talking... how are you and all the blah blah...  I tried to pay attention to him without him noticing that my knees were shaken.  and then he asked.

Brent:  How much did you lose weight?
Me: huh? why ask, I mean, how did you know that I used to be big?
Brent: butt cheeks... stretch marks?!?
Me: %^*&*...

I turned red, then purple... can I be dead?.. or can someone just shoot me... Imagine it was semi dark and yet he still noticed those fine lines?  Arrrgghhh....

You know how some guys, say I love you or I care for you or even I like you after he cum... Surely this guy has full of surprises.  1st his package is surprsingly big, ironic to his body type, now stretch marks comment... then this...

He was about to cum, I could see it in his face...  his pushing became more intense.. then finally... did you know what he said... "Good job!" and I just went... "what?"... he grabbed his wallet and gave me 500 peso bill...

At the back of my mind... like, what the F?!  is he tripping or what? oh well at least i got fun and paid at the same time...

Monday, February 28, 2011

I ask the question and my sister said NO

(i just got this pic online. this is not mine. anyone can claim it, just post soemthing and I'l delete it. thanks)

my mom' greatest fear!
I don't have the courage to confront her.
she might die of heart attack and they will blame me.
so I ask my sister...

even if he's a doctor, a lawyer
a manager earning 3x what i'm earning now?
with SUV?
and my sister simply replied with NO.

I'm mostly obedient especially when 
my sister gives me round trip tickets 
when that time comes
i hope I don't have to choose.

(this is not a poem)

Saturday, February 26, 2011

the day I said enough!

I know I promised myself to stop being whiny but somehow writing it here helps... makes me feel good after... So let me just vent because I attempted to talk to my best friend and he just laughed at me...

I hate my government more today...  I hate them because I pay my taxes on time and I declare the exact amount...  but what i get in return... delayed services!  they suck!  They let you wait for nothing...

I went to DFA to renew my passport.  I paid extra to have it rushed.  I was too excited to celebrate my bday  somewhere... but i got more stress... on top of the stress that i'l be turning big fat three ohhh.  Initially they said it will be released March 2.  Mind you I filed it Feb 8...  and they claimed its rush service...  so how long would a normal service takes? Do the math.

too excited to get on that plane.. I bought a ticket and scheduled it March 9.  When I called DFA, department of fucking agency, I was told my passport wont be released until March 15.  I told the receptionist that my flight is scheduled on the 9th.  And she stupidly replied.. try making a follow up on the 11th?  Are you fucking kidding me? Did she even hear what i said? The tickets were not inexpensive.  Now I have to re-booked it. DFA did not even offered a refund of the rush fee they charged..

my best friend laughed about my experience.  earlier, I arrived 9 minutes passed my schedule at work.  I end the day submitting my resignation letter!

surprise.. I will be soon jobless...  Why wont people just fuck me sideways!

Saturday, February 19, 2011


Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been? I've been to... I've been to... I've been whoring...

Chinese New year, All Souls Day a.k.a. Valentines Day, Death Anniversary the day I met my ex... it was like all the stars aligned and ready to hit you and eat you alive.. what am i talking about.. blah blah. There had been a lot of holidays to celebrate.. a good reason to whore and be grateful... to get drunk and get laid... I wont get pregnant anyway.

that is something old. something new, I learned to use rubber!

"Something Borrowed is to represent to the bride that friends and family will be there for her on the special day and in the future when help is needed."

Somehow I misunderstood the line above. I took it literally, I borrowed by friend's boyfriend last valentine's day. Silly you Billy! of course without him knowing.. but wouldn't it be more fun if it was the three of us? Let me suggest that, when they get sour. Of course I wont keep the boyfriend, there's a reason why I termed it borrowed. of course I will be there to share my shoulder to a friend in need... and suggest then, we went to the cemetery and light a candle for our souls. after all, valentines day is also known as all souls day.

while the world was painted red last week... there was something blue. my face turned blue. poison... karma! if you give bull someone will give you shit! while puking my intestine out.. we'll I'm sure my toilet bowl was clean... I promise I wont drink tequila again...

are you kidding me?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

his Confession

"I already have my round trip tickets" I announced to my college buddies. This May we'll be going to Cagayan for a wedding. I booked it as early as now to get a cheaper seat of course. One of my college buddies decided to commit suicide and tie the knot to his long time girlfriend. I think they have been together since college and that was like eons ago... I'm a little excited because I've never been to Cagayan. I want to try the white water rafting that they are sooo proud of. I heard their food too are great.

Another couple is supposed to get married this year. Unfortunately they were not able to level up their love to the next level, they broke up three years ago. I received a text message from the girl, she said "we're done! it's not happening". They were one of the sweetest couples back in college. sitting at the back portion of the cafeteria. duo study in the library. they were the "it" couple. Who would have thought, while scanning our yearbook, they'd break up. They were inseparable.

You see both of them were my friends. its difficult being caught in the crossfire. I kept an open mind on the situation on both parties. I could never be bias to anyone.

Just the other day, after three long years, the guy showed up to us. Quite long enough time already to settle all the sediments that caused the pain of being broken hearted and all. The guy is actually always here for Sinulog, its just this year that he decided to show up. it was not that awkward really, it was just like before, only they were on the opposite side of the table.  They have moved on.

after the dinner, the girl with the new boyfriend went home.  while the rest of the boys went for a drink.  In Vino Veritas.  Truly, the guy started to open up what happened.  I didn't ask really.  It would be rude of me, you see I'm not nosy.  I admire him sharing it to me.  Yes he recognized that girl and I were more close. (we've been classmates since from first year to fifth year). but he continued his story anyway...

you see,  both their families have accepted each other already.  according to the boy, the girl is all he is looking for as his wife. but no matter how he tried,  he "couldn't bring his love to the next level". he said he didn't fall out of love... he just couldn't intensify his love... he didn't want to cheat.  he was just being honest..blah.. blah.. blah..  in the middle of his sentence I was lost... hearing the first line brought me to a different space in time... I recalled, it was the same reason Mr Big said to me.. now i understood him, actually both of them...and his reasoning. either Mr Big did not explain it well to me, or I refused to listen.. but now i get it..  its just sad. not all love story has happy ending...  in an intstant everything can change.

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Earlier today i received a text message from my best friend.  it read SOS.  too bad i received it late. told him i cant bring my phone inside the production floor as my reply.  actually, i dont check my phone often even when I'm on break.  i think I'm used to the idea that no one really cares... hehehe so no one sends me an SMS.. there I said it... or perhaps the fact that its night time and majority are asleep...  and in the morning they are sooo considerate they wont bother me because they know I am asleep. ok enough justification...  well, even globe stopped sending me spams. I'm not even familiar with my own ring tone. I cant recognize when in rings.  I thought, I think I bought a very expensive alarm clock.

anyway, back to my friend. so I pressed send button and instantaneously my phone rang. wow! that fast? observing my friend when he uses his phone,  his fingers were too fast.. he is a text freak. his fingers manage to find the buttons even with a blindfold. and I can even barely understand when some sentences are shorten. Aanyway, I answered the phone, " Bonjour, what's the emergency?"

To make the story short, my best friend and his boyfriend had a fight.  they are office mates. my bestfriend couldn't stand seeing the boyfriend in the office.  he sent the SOS because he wanted to ask me for a coffee break.  Our offices are just 10 minutes away from the nearest Starbucks.

What caused the fight?  he found out that his boyfriend has an account in planet romeo.  well, the boyfriend restrained my best friend to create an account in facebook. In facebook? who doesn't have a facebook?!!

ending... they are in an open relationship.  my best friend told the boyfriend, "Maybe, you want to explore... I give you the time and this opportunity" Fair enough I guess, they have been together for 6 years now...

"Darling, we cant prove that he has been fucking around, maybe meeting, ok fine... its given" I said to him.  Then I told my best friend you created this rule as your ticket to cheat without the guilt! Remember that you've been cheating too!  So don't be too mad...

the moral of the story is its safe to be single....

and I like this line.. it not really related... but to some point only...

and to quote Cheryl "you’ll avoid falling in love at all because the idea of being broken again is far worst than being alone"


Thursday, January 6, 2011

this made my day... lol

Easy there,

Mr Testosterone ---

You can
be replaced
by a zucchini.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

what have i done last year, eh?

I heard from a DJ one afternoon his point of view about new year's resolution and all...  New year's resolution is supposed to be fun...  like  if you're all too serious about your job... then learn to keep it cool the next year... like be more out going...   with that approach...  somehow most resolutions will happen...  rather than saying "I will be good next year"... 80% you wont be! Let's admit it.. we like to be bad! 

Well, I don't do new year's resolution...  what I have is to-do-list.  Looking back, out of my 5 things... I have achieved at least 3.  not bad i think.. it was a tough year for me... recovering from my finances for being alcoholic biatch! kidding!  I have completed my room... not really completed... needs more fixtures and all... but at least I can sleep well now.  Two months ago we moved to a new house... I kinda spent fortune to make my room a better place to sleep during morning...

Secondly,  my team became the top team for 3 consecutive months... I'm proud.. I have proven myself that I can lead! 15 different personalities, I found their common interest and drove them to one goal. Imagine when they start crying-out like babies... its chaos! but they'll shut up when they see me, up from my desk, approaching them, one brow higher than usual... but I love them...

lastly, I got my baby!  I like iPhone but my bb works just fine.. I've been wanting to change my phone.  My best friend said "there are only 3 types of phone in the world, an iPhone, a blackberry and others" while glancing at my phone with devilish smile.  He couldn't stand my phone..  he said it doesn't fit my status.  Well, he gave me a a blackberry 9800 series.

I lost weight mid-year last year from 160lb to 130lb, I couldn't seem to reach 125lb which is my ideal weight.. it stopped at 130lb... but since because of the loooong holiday.. I gained again back to 140lb. I'm like an inflatable, I can gain and lose weight easily. starving season is here.. need to achieve that 125lb for the summer... so I can visit Boracay.. I promised myself I will not visit that island not until I'm physically ready.. I need to be size zero. heheheh

the last in my list, the love department.  How can I manage 15 people yet fail to manage one relationship! well, I have not found the person who is patient enough. either they can't stand my shopping exercise, being alcoholic biatch, being a Pisces it's our nature to be extreemely jealous!  Anyways, I like guys that can make me shut up, who has stronger personality, I must be the one who loves more. with a car is a plus but not required!

for this year... see my next post