I said NO

"hi! I miss your Italian spaghetti and your spicy chicken wings." a window popped while i was busy scrolling my page. I said great, Mr. Big found me in FB. Now i started to question FB's security. Well, partly my fault because I have my full name listed. Who would have thought after five years he will come looking for me. I mean we have moved on.

I love to cook. In every relationship I've had, they were associated with recipies. Mr. Big's was east-meets-west.  A modern witch craft for love potion. And, as they say, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

He asked me out.  I just replied with a smile and told him I was busy at work. Or I was doing something. Or any reason I could think of like I was out of town. I dont want to awaken the feelings Ive buried long time ago. Its too dangerous to play fire which I had been burned. I'm healed now.

But I dont want to be quoted as rude if I block him.  I mean, I used to care for this guy. Come on he used to be special. So I just let him. Let him know my wherebouts, let him see my pics, let him know in a subtle way that I'm happy with my life now.

There was a time, after we broke up, i call it dark ages, when i became alcoholic, i tried drugs, became agnostic, slept with just anyone to feel wanted. But i was able to bounce back, good grief!.

You know the song "You made me stronger by breaking my heart." Yup, that's me. My perspective has chaged in a good way.

Then, he noticed, "Are you avoiding me?"

"Nope. I'm just really busy." I lied.

"Can I see you? I need to tell you something." he has not changed, he still sounds commanding. "why are you not answering my phone calls?" he continued.

"I am now." I said "Your drunk. Same old?"

"Can you come here? I need you." the last time I fell on that bait, when I I arrived, he just smiled and said "nothing, I just miss you". and I was rushing I thought it was emergency.

"I can't. I'm at work. bye I need to get back"

Remembering the time I resisted, makes me proud of myself. He painted my world black, I turned it green and now he's back to tear me apart again.  That moment I said NO, i said to myself, for once you made a right decision for the first time!