i woke up early yesterday. it should be a good day. it was the day that my lab test results are in. ironically I didn't feel any tint of tense. the sun rose early that day. it woke me up as it warmly touched my face. it was 6:30.
i grabbed my robe. check myself in the mirror. will this face be damned and hide from the truth forever or will it be free like a bird and sings until everyone gets annoyed.
I headed to the kitchen as the aroma of the newly brewed coffee prepared by mama was inviting. That's what i needed for it would be a long day. I greeted my mama bonjour! "going to see your doctor today?", she asked. what she knew was I went to the doctor to have my kidney checked.
I would hurt my mama if I would turn positive. Not just her but my friends and my partner to be. I went back to my room. Open my window and lit a cigarette with a cup of coffee at one hand. Contemplating what life would bring.
8:00, i received a text message from a close friend, wishing me well and he hope it would turn out just well. I was supposed to go island hopping with them but I canceled the last minute. I thanked him for he has been supportive.
this day would mark a new life for me. I took a hot shower at 10:00, still I didn't feel any worry. My place is just 30 minutes from the hospital, I said I still had enough time. I checked facebook, read my e-mail. It said that "Expect today to be a dramatic one". oh no... but the last part said lucky color: yellow.
I'm not really superstitious but I needed all the positive vibes. May it be good or bad news, I would still be able to carry myself. so grabbed a yellow shirt in my closet and my yellow ocher loafer.
11:00 i was outside the hospital. the sun was almost above me. it didn't matter as I look up and felt its energy. I need the courage.
the nurse let me wait for some minutes. that's when i started to feel butterflies in my stomach. it twitched. I tried to get a gripped and hold my composure, my knees were trembling. they told me that if the result is positive that they need to do a confirmation test... so why did the nurse let me wait... is this another document that I need to sign... will she fetch another counselor? will she get another droplet of blood from me?
the nurse escorted me to a secure room. i started to feel cold. and handed me an envelope.
it reads: NONREACTIVE
i asked the nurse what it meant, i lost my senses for a moment there.. or i just needed confirmation if I understood it right. Oh yes, I'm negative of HIV. My history of being irresponsible has been deleted tout de suite. it felt like I'm a new person and what happened before like those rough and dirty exhibition didn't matter anymore... Oh yeah I learned my lesson here. always learned it the hard way...
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