me, my mom and my job

newly polished shoes. check. plaid pants. check. pressed polo. check. matching tie. check. resume. check.

I woke up early today for job interview. Had a long shower. then my pan de sal breakfast with black coffee. It's a beautiful morning I said. I really miss waking up early. There's something about in the morning that makes your day. It's a better start a day and its really meant to be the start of the day! confused? try working in a night shift for almost seven years...

Seven years. Number 7. what's up with this number? sever year itch? i think its about time...

I saw my mom entered the dining room. Sitting in the counter while munching my pan de sal, I remembered we had an argument with my mom. She has been avoiding me and vice versa. A little background, my mom is old fashion and conservative. She doesnt like my haircut. With that i'm deprived of her cookings. she intentionally cooks bago-ong, fish cooked with vinegar and the likes. She knows I dont eat those. Unlike my brother, who'd die without his porkchop, I can settle with toasted pan de sal and coffee in the morning.


my mom and I have a bittter-sweet relationship. Sometimes we are good but most of the time we are not. I just can't figure her out. she knows that I'm not straight. We dont talk about it... and I know her fears... As wild as her fears are, I cant imagine myself with fake boobs and fake butt, in a mini skirt and high heels... and that's why i shaved my head. well, just the sides. and I got a comment that I look like a chimpanzee from my mom... imagine my mom... some moms are dying and lying that their sons look hot and gwapo when they really are not... and I am not saying that I am...


neways, I know her fear. that one day, I'l bring someone home and introduce to her as my boyfriend! let me do that on of these days, let see if she'll not get a heart attack... but then again my brothers and sisters will kill me for doing that.. so bad idea. She thinks guys will just use me... spend my money, as if am that rich! Didn't I mention that she is old fashion, religious and conservative? she thinks i'm possesed with evil spirit and that I need to pray hard to drive the spirit away.... I told her I am agnostic!


she may get over the agnostic part but she can never get over her fear about me being not straight. I have beaten my brothers and sisters at school even at work. but she is more proud of my brother who got her girlfriend pregnant before marraige... or my sister who has three kids and still not married or our eldest who has kids from different women. talking about perfect family... we are a good example. the last thing i will know, she has changed my last name... my name is not even in the last will... talking about double standard, that what she is...

enough of that... somehow it gave me strength to do better for my job interview... so that i can leave home and be in a place where i can be myself... You'll never miss the water until it runs dry, i thought. I have the opposite of what Ternie posted why he decided to look for a regular job.
That made me feel am a bad person but that's his story...

I was right on time. The interviewer greeted me. Read my resume and said "thank you for your interest, we'll keep you posted once we have an available position for you"... Shiiitttt... You know that feeling of being rejected? my jaw fell and my heart smashed... so I went online to recheck what they were looking for... Accountancy Graduates... what am I thinking? Deutsche is a bank and apparantly they are looking for finance agents...

So I guess mom you still have to bear with me for a few months... my heart may have been crashed but I still have my spirit! I'm not giving up.. not yet!