Wednesday, September 22, 2010

You are missed...

A few years ago, actually three years ago to be exact, my officemates and I went for a movie, one afternoon.. well after work. It had always been like that when I was with my previous project. After we log out from the Avaya.. off we go to the malls for lunch or a movie... you see, we bonded.


I can't remember what movie was that.. maybe I was too occupied. My phone rang... shoot I forgot to put it on a silent mode.. I cancelled the call and sent her a message that I was in the movie house. I bet she would understand.. I ended my message with "I'll call you later"...


It rang again... from another high school buddy, Brian. I pressed cancel again. "call you back, I'm watching a movie"


Then, I received a text message from Bodie, a high school friend too. i thought great... what were these guys up to?


I read the message, "Ruvy is dead, heart attack"


I replied, "Bad joke! I'm in a movie house now, deal with you later. Ruvy rang me earlier"


It has been three years since Ruvy passed away. She once said to us on one of our dinners, which rarely happens, because either one friend is not in town, busy at work, or simply does not want to go out and some other excuses... "that the only time we see each other is when someone got married or someone dies."


Before she died she had tried to contact us for a dinner. But we were all too busy... Surely this date three years ago, her wish was granted. we, the high school elite, all met but she was there lying in front of us...


We surely learned a lesson there.. to all other circle of friends.. it's never too late to dial that phone and check with old friends on how they are doing and to those people who will receive the call, think twice before you cancel it, it maybe the last..

By the way, the one who called me was the sister using Ruvy's number to inform me...

Right now, its given that we are still busy with our personal lives, work and all that... well, thanks to technology, the most that we can do as of the moment is a conference call.. thanks bri for the initiative.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Another One Bites The Dust

I usually like it when it rains. You know that mood when you are just sitting by your window with a warm cup of coffee... watching slowly the water as it drops to the ground or to the leaves.. I always have that picture when it rains.. or while walking at least you no one can notice while you are crying... what do you call that mood? oh yes.. emo mood...


But when the lighting of reality hit me earlier.. well, it hit me hard... Reality has always been really hard.. I guess that's why I always paint that picture in my head... an escape? maybe...

So it was pouring hard earlier when I'm on my way to work... I have to take a cab again... and when salary is scheduled two days from now, budget is really tight and every peso counts... shit I have to give up my coffee... I thought...

Surprise, newsflash... I'm broke!!! My mom decided to cut my allowance because she noticed I couldn’t manage my finances... She asked why I'm always short... She has it as my action plan to learn a lesson and find means to save... so I thought I’d cut my cab fare to start...

I know you'll ask me why my mom had been giving me money... Let's just say it’s the prize of being the middle child... Allowance = shut-up-your-mouth-about-favoritism-and-no-attention-complains...


Why are some people so good with their lives... and am struggling living my own... am I ranting?


I guess I know now why my mom dropped that announcement to me yesterday... So that I can be good with my life too. will it work? wish me luck...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

lead by example

Being a leader is difficult. You have to lead by example. You see, I have not lived a perfect life and my past is the darkest.

Dark secrets like sexual fantasies.. drug abuse... back stabbing... and the likes...

Some of it am still doing... some I have considered history and I will never cross that path again...

That's what haunting me now...

Apparently, am good at keeping secrets.. keeping my records clean... having the face everybody can love and like... am proud of it... Yes I'm fake - second rate. so what... that's why I appreciate my friends so much for giving little extra effort for knowing me better... but this story is not about that....

well, am writing now because I feel guilty or paranoid maybe as my seatmate describes it... not because of those dark ones... its not really that dark act...

Outside work I know I'm still responsible of my actions.. nevertheless am still being looked up as their leader.. so I have to act like one. and that's where am struggling.. maybe a little... the partying part….


You see.. I lost weight suddenly... like in a month. I worked hard for it... from 160lb to 135 lb... I know that's a lot... as I've said I worked hard for it... I changed my diet.. more of the healthy lifestyle... no alcohol especially beer... more exercise.... went to the gym... go for the jog... all healthy...

I've tried pills before but it worked for a while but I gained weight again eventually...
my concern is that.. I may influence others... because I’m in the position… or may have influenced them already… I’m scared that they may resort to all means just to loose weight... would that be my responsibility in case something happen to them? I don’t mean for them to follow me when I share them how I did it like the healthy way... Talking about responsible leadership… that’s tough