i want to rant but i just could not call my best friend simply because he's tired of hearing me with this story. i even accused my best friend sleeping with this guy... which my instinct has not failed me and I have not proven it.
anyway, Mr Sunshine is back. we are at the boundary of friendship and lovers. yes we are more than friends simply because he's my ex and we shared more intimate things. less than lovers because we are not back together. we just hang out and dine.
after he left I was kinda seeing someone a month after. but it didn't last that long too. maybe i was still in love with mr Sunshine, and Mr Nyx Assassin noticed it. I know it was unfair i said yes to Mr Nyx Assassin.
To answer your question Mr Sunshine, why I said yes to him, and why I agreed to move in with him is because he was there! when its supposed to be you! you left me! He was there. It would have been you! I was thinking it was you. and I've said I'm sorry to Mr Nyx Assassin already and we've forgiven each other...
that was past already. the only reason he existed because you left... but i was wishing it was you..
Now you're back, can we move on and stop digging history? stop asking if i really love him? because it still you that I care. Its still you that I love... It has always been you..
Nothing happened between me and Mr Nyx Assassin because somewhere in time, i was hoping or thinking, it was you!
He calls me, he ask how my day was, he spent his 15 min break with me for breakfast. he held my hand, he hugged me and he kissed me....
i know you were troubled when we were together.. that's past. it happened for a reason for us to learn for us to grow... can we leave the past and start living now... this is our second chance... let's nurture it!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
mis education
i went to my aunt's funeral today. the church near my place has changed a lot. Its very obvious i have not gone to church for a while. I arrived late. walking in the aisle with my well pressed white top, then I removed my sunglasses. Most seats are taken, then i saw mom waving at me. front row.
when i was a kid i never miss Sunday service. i was taught if you miss a day you'll commit a sin. then i remember why i stopped going to church. You see, I went to a catholic school. For 8 years as a student, I think I've learned what the scripture says compared to half of the people who goes to church regularly. I was not awarded best in religion if i had not done my part to achieve it.
Going back to my reason. For me church is a holy place and we should pay respect to its holiness. Some people just don't know how to dress appropriately, and i cant control my eyes thus i sinned in my thoughts. Sometimes I don't agree what the priest says especially if its a political/social views, thus i sinned. and those altar boys, i intentionally stand in line where the cute ones are stationed, thus I sinned.
I sinned more if i go to church compared to one sin of not going there. I know its silly logic. I prefer going to church to energize my spirituality rather than as an obligation because I'm told to so.
Sitting in the front row, i saw these altar boys. they still choose the good looking ones. the boy next door type. as silent as a sheep type. what could be in their mind? then my thoughts brought me back, goodness these are kids.
i used to have a huge crush with a seminarian. beware of them.. they are good talker. but that's another story.
so what's the moral of this story? the mis-education of a catholic student!
when i was a kid i never miss Sunday service. i was taught if you miss a day you'll commit a sin. then i remember why i stopped going to church. You see, I went to a catholic school. For 8 years as a student, I think I've learned what the scripture says compared to half of the people who goes to church regularly. I was not awarded best in religion if i had not done my part to achieve it.
Going back to my reason. For me church is a holy place and we should pay respect to its holiness. Some people just don't know how to dress appropriately, and i cant control my eyes thus i sinned in my thoughts. Sometimes I don't agree what the priest says especially if its a political/social views, thus i sinned. and those altar boys, i intentionally stand in line where the cute ones are stationed, thus I sinned.
I sinned more if i go to church compared to one sin of not going there. I know its silly logic. I prefer going to church to energize my spirituality rather than as an obligation because I'm told to so.
Sitting in the front row, i saw these altar boys. they still choose the good looking ones. the boy next door type. as silent as a sheep type. what could be in their mind? then my thoughts brought me back, goodness these are kids.
i used to have a huge crush with a seminarian. beware of them.. they are good talker. but that's another story.
so what's the moral of this story? the mis-education of a catholic student!
sunday morning
Sunday morning always comforts me. its different from any other morning. its so peaceful and calm. either I'm driving home from a Saturday night gimmick or in my terrace from my bed. the coolness of the breeze is just enough. not too cold. but i love cold weather. and its when the sun tries to escape from the dark clouds always leave a picture in my mind. now the temperature is rising. mixed of cold air and the warm beam of the sun. with my cup of coffee at one hand I would like to keep this moment and freeze time.
I miss you. it would have been a better Sunday by your side.
I miss you. it would have been a better Sunday by your side.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
how are you?
Do you greet people "how are you?" because you really mean to know how he is doing? or do you greet "how are you" out of a habit?
"how are you?" is a powerful question. it can be an opener to a great conversation. It can maintain a strong friendship. It can also rebuild a relationship.
to a stranger, it could mean just a mere greeting. like to the sales lady in your favorite shop who is more than willing to help you find what you look for. who will respond to you with a warm and welcoming smile. to the janitor in your office who's not tired of delivering your mails. who manages to respond you with a nod. to the security guard in your village, who displays dedication to his work and cares to say "good morning sir" back to you.
These "how-are-you's" may just come out from our mouth out of habit, but to these people, it may mean a big thing because the line "how are you?" implies a gesture that you care for them. the number of hours the sales lady needs to stand to help customers, the wide spaces the janitor must clean and manage to deliver some letters, the sleepless hours the guard needs to be awake to protect you.
how much more to a dear friend who is troubled. hearing "how-are-you?" can move mountains. to your parents who never complained about how tough it is to raise you. "how are you?" can make their heart feel light.
so when asked "how are you?" you may want to know how's the person asking is doing too. for sometimes, it's us who needs to be asked, "how are you?"
"how are you?" is a powerful question. it can be an opener to a great conversation. It can maintain a strong friendship. It can also rebuild a relationship.
to a stranger, it could mean just a mere greeting. like to the sales lady in your favorite shop who is more than willing to help you find what you look for. who will respond to you with a warm and welcoming smile. to the janitor in your office who's not tired of delivering your mails. who manages to respond you with a nod. to the security guard in your village, who displays dedication to his work and cares to say "good morning sir" back to you.
These "how-are-you's" may just come out from our mouth out of habit, but to these people, it may mean a big thing because the line "how are you?" implies a gesture that you care for them. the number of hours the sales lady needs to stand to help customers, the wide spaces the janitor must clean and manage to deliver some letters, the sleepless hours the guard needs to be awake to protect you.
how much more to a dear friend who is troubled. hearing "how-are-you?" can move mountains. to your parents who never complained about how tough it is to raise you. "how are you?" can make their heart feel light.
so when asked "how are you?" you may want to know how's the person asking is doing too. for sometimes, it's us who needs to be asked, "how are you?"
Monday, July 2, 2012
I said NO
"hi! I miss your Italian spaghetti and your spicy chicken wings." a window popped while i was busy scrolling my page. I said great, Mr. Big found me in FB. Now i started to question FB's security. Well, partly my fault because I have my full name listed. Who would have thought after five years he will come looking for me. I mean we have moved on.
I love to cook. In every relationship I've had, they were associated with recipies. Mr. Big's was east-meets-west. A modern witch craft for love potion. And, as they say, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
He asked me out. I just replied with a smile and told him I was busy at work. Or I was doing something. Or any reason I could think of like I was out of town. I dont want to awaken the feelings Ive buried long time ago. Its too dangerous to play fire which I had been burned. I'm healed now.
But I dont want to be quoted as rude if I block him. I mean, I used to care for this guy. Come on he used to be special. So I just let him. Let him know my wherebouts, let him see my pics, let him know in a subtle way that I'm happy with my life now.
There was a time, after we broke up, i call it dark ages, when i became alcoholic, i tried drugs, became agnostic, slept with just anyone to feel wanted. But i was able to bounce back, good grief!.
You know the song "You made me stronger by breaking my heart." Yup, that's me. My perspective has chaged in a good way.
Then, he noticed, "Are you avoiding me?"
"Nope. I'm just really busy." I lied.
"Can I see you? I need to tell you something." he has not changed, he still sounds commanding. "why are you not answering my phone calls?" he continued.
"I am now." I said "Your drunk. Same old?"
"Can you come here? I need you." the last time I fell on that bait, when I I arrived, he just smiled and said "nothing, I just miss you". and I was rushing I thought it was emergency.
"I can't. I'm at work. bye I need to get back"
Remembering the time I resisted, makes me proud of myself. He painted my world black, I turned it green and now he's back to tear me apart again. That moment I said NO, i said to myself, for once you made a right decision for the first time!
I love to cook. In every relationship I've had, they were associated with recipies. Mr. Big's was east-meets-west. A modern witch craft for love potion. And, as they say, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
He asked me out. I just replied with a smile and told him I was busy at work. Or I was doing something. Or any reason I could think of like I was out of town. I dont want to awaken the feelings Ive buried long time ago. Its too dangerous to play fire which I had been burned. I'm healed now.
But I dont want to be quoted as rude if I block him. I mean, I used to care for this guy. Come on he used to be special. So I just let him. Let him know my wherebouts, let him see my pics, let him know in a subtle way that I'm happy with my life now.
There was a time, after we broke up, i call it dark ages, when i became alcoholic, i tried drugs, became agnostic, slept with just anyone to feel wanted. But i was able to bounce back, good grief!.
You know the song "You made me stronger by breaking my heart." Yup, that's me. My perspective has chaged in a good way.
Then, he noticed, "Are you avoiding me?"
"Nope. I'm just really busy." I lied.
"Can I see you? I need to tell you something." he has not changed, he still sounds commanding. "why are you not answering my phone calls?" he continued.
"I am now." I said "Your drunk. Same old?"
"Can you come here? I need you." the last time I fell on that bait, when I I arrived, he just smiled and said "nothing, I just miss you". and I was rushing I thought it was emergency.
"I can't. I'm at work. bye I need to get back"
Remembering the time I resisted, makes me proud of myself. He painted my world black, I turned it green and now he's back to tear me apart again. That moment I said NO, i said to myself, for once you made a right decision for the first time!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Fuck the bed stone
hi everyone. its been a while. and yes I'm still single. I have had some relationships since my last post and you guess it right.. it had a half life of that 213At (Astatine). My best friend introduced him last March just right after my birthday. like as a birthday present or something to that effect.. surprise... at an Instant, we clicked. We have had a few dates. movie. dinner. just like the usual. we enjoyed sharing food together. went to places together. it was perfect. the kiss was good too. the breakfasts right after shift. exchanged gifts. cakes.candies. endless phone calls. the hellos the i love you's.
We did our groceries together and believe me I had been wanting to experience that.. call it corny but I find it sweet. Its a nice date actually, simple and fun like in a grocery store with wide variety.. taking your time in the aisles. you talk while you scan each shelves... you'll know the person better on what brands he picks, what flavor he choose, there's a story in every thing you will buy. like why you don't like oregano in your pasta. how safeguard can dry your skin. which hot-dogs taste better.
so i mentioned the kiss was good. when things got hotter and wetter he stopped. "i think it's too soon for that. Don't you think?" okay fine. He rushed to the toilet, took a bath and found his way to the bed and snored! He left me and my kidneys in pain because if the unfinished business.
Every time I got my hands down under he stops. Wearing only my undies he asked,"are you trying to seduce me?" and i replied with sarcasm in my tone, "no, I'm getting ready to sleep". I told him with a fake smile, "you know the court recognizes this as valid case for annulment."
One day he asked me how I celebrate monthsary... other than its corny as a cornfield I told him, I don't because none of my relationships had lasted that long. The he broke his surprise, he wanted to go to the beach with me, he had a surprise.
Maybe lightning had struck him or something he texted me, "Sorry, I cant make you happy!" I asked clarifying questions... "What do you mean Bhe? I'm happy with you, you inspire me to do good at work, with my life now. You took me to a grocery store and I love you for that". he replied "coz you always think about sex!"
Like WHAT? maybe I think about sex at times but NOT always. So he left. He left me feeling like I'm the biggest slut in this town. I feel humiliated like I cant live without sex in a day! I mean its great to have both, a guy who takes you to a grocery store and the same guy who rocks in a bed-stone. But, fuck the bed stone I want a guy who takes me to a grocery store.
the end!
We did our groceries together and believe me I had been wanting to experience that.. call it corny but I find it sweet. Its a nice date actually, simple and fun like in a grocery store with wide variety.. taking your time in the aisles. you talk while you scan each shelves... you'll know the person better on what brands he picks, what flavor he choose, there's a story in every thing you will buy. like why you don't like oregano in your pasta. how safeguard can dry your skin. which hot-dogs taste better.
so i mentioned the kiss was good. when things got hotter and wetter he stopped. "i think it's too soon for that. Don't you think?" okay fine. He rushed to the toilet, took a bath and found his way to the bed and snored! He left me and my kidneys in pain because if the unfinished business.
Every time I got my hands down under he stops. Wearing only my undies he asked,"are you trying to seduce me?" and i replied with sarcasm in my tone, "no, I'm getting ready to sleep". I told him with a fake smile, "you know the court recognizes this as valid case for annulment."
One day he asked me how I celebrate monthsary... other than its corny as a cornfield I told him, I don't because none of my relationships had lasted that long. The he broke his surprise, he wanted to go to the beach with me, he had a surprise.
Maybe lightning had struck him or something he texted me, "Sorry, I cant make you happy!" I asked clarifying questions... "What do you mean Bhe? I'm happy with you, you inspire me to do good at work, with my life now. You took me to a grocery store and I love you for that". he replied "coz you always think about sex!"
Like WHAT? maybe I think about sex at times but NOT always. So he left. He left me feeling like I'm the biggest slut in this town. I feel humiliated like I cant live without sex in a day! I mean its great to have both, a guy who takes you to a grocery store and the same guy who rocks in a bed-stone. But, fuck the bed stone I want a guy who takes me to a grocery store.
the end!
Monday, February 13, 2012
unsent letter
Dear Sunshine,
Pretty gloomy lately eh?! I know I have asked you one favor and you've been keeping your promise all these times. Thank you for being there. I know I have asked you not to leave me. And i know you are just there. Can I ask another one? Lately my life's a mess, at work, at home. Things were just out of place. You know what they say when it rains it pours. Mine is more like a storm... I have been trying to find the eye of the storm to seek comfort and hoping things will be alright soon.
work has been draining. Its sucking all my energy. No matter how brilliant my ideas are nothing seem to work. I cant seem to motivate my team to be at their best. maybe they've seen me not at my best. Home is terrible, my parents fighting, mom and I couldn't agree on lots of things.
I love you... I really do love you...
However we started wrong and I don't know how to make it right... if we can make it right. here's the favor, if you're just there to keep your promise... and you don't have intentions of keeping me... please at least help me move on. You don't have to keep your promise anymore... You're there but feels like you so far... so what's the point. Live your life while i try to sort mine.. the last thing I need now is false hopes. If its meant to be us, our path will cross again.
Love,
Morning Dew
Pretty gloomy lately eh?! I know I have asked you one favor and you've been keeping your promise all these times. Thank you for being there. I know I have asked you not to leave me. And i know you are just there. Can I ask another one? Lately my life's a mess, at work, at home. Things were just out of place. You know what they say when it rains it pours. Mine is more like a storm... I have been trying to find the eye of the storm to seek comfort and hoping things will be alright soon.
work has been draining. Its sucking all my energy. No matter how brilliant my ideas are nothing seem to work. I cant seem to motivate my team to be at their best. maybe they've seen me not at my best. Home is terrible, my parents fighting, mom and I couldn't agree on lots of things.
I love you... I really do love you...
However we started wrong and I don't know how to make it right... if we can make it right. here's the favor, if you're just there to keep your promise... and you don't have intentions of keeping me... please at least help me move on. You don't have to keep your promise anymore... You're there but feels like you so far... so what's the point. Live your life while i try to sort mine.. the last thing I need now is false hopes. If its meant to be us, our path will cross again.
Love,
Morning Dew
Sunday, July 3, 2011
castle and walls
Rapunzel. That's me. Except that, i have a short hair and its not even golden. I'm in my terrace right now, playing with my PC. The city is inviting with its yellow light. And from a far, it looks serene. The hazy air completes the picture. Quite the opposite of what's really happening. The street lamp glows and it hypnotizing.
somewhere out there is my prince. i know he's looking for me. He'll find his way to my little castle and rescue me from this misery.
I know it wont be tonight. I'm in my terrace with my cup of coffee. Waiting in vain. where are you and what struggles you've been through finding my castle?
----
last night, the city lights captured me. So I took a quick shower. Put on a good top. Suddenly, it rained. my friend said, "if there's a will there's a way,"... "good point but i wouldn't be wearing my boots" I replied. "dial-a-cab and drop your ass off here" he commanded! so I obliged.
We went to Penthouse. DJ Elmer was playing. My moves were a bit off. Its been ages since I went out to party. Partly my fault because I let myself become a prisoner of my own room. The music started to warm every single cell of my body up... a beer in my hand and a cigarette on the other. No E for me that night. I wanted to go home sane. That other side of me has been long gone. I don't want him resurrected. I'm a good person now. I think.
---
"where's your prince?"... I replied, "I don't know!" cutting the mojo potato in half. I had been in the dance floor all night.. that made me hungry. "He's somewhere", I continued.
"I think you should date a mason." My friend suggested. Then my eyes went clueless waiting for my friend to finish his statement. He could really see a big question mark on my face so he continued "so that someone can break the walls your creating". I jokingly replied "why not a welder, the walls I've created were made of iron."
---
If you have experience being hurt, your self defence skills increases. why would you let yourself be hurt again?! I'm not even aware of these walls but my friend read me correctly. I don't want to become a porcupine. "Go out! meet more people! drop your pots and pails. gardening is for old people. and learn to know them before you put on your guards. We are not getting any younger so don't waste your time."
---
I'm in my terrace. Its raining again. my cup is empty. no sign of him coming home tonight.
somewhere out there is my prince. i know he's looking for me. He'll find his way to my little castle and rescue me from this misery.
I know it wont be tonight. I'm in my terrace with my cup of coffee. Waiting in vain. where are you and what struggles you've been through finding my castle?
----
last night, the city lights captured me. So I took a quick shower. Put on a good top. Suddenly, it rained. my friend said, "if there's a will there's a way,"... "good point but i wouldn't be wearing my boots" I replied. "dial-a-cab and drop your ass off here" he commanded! so I obliged.
We went to Penthouse. DJ Elmer was playing. My moves were a bit off. Its been ages since I went out to party. Partly my fault because I let myself become a prisoner of my own room. The music started to warm every single cell of my body up... a beer in my hand and a cigarette on the other. No E for me that night. I wanted to go home sane. That other side of me has been long gone. I don't want him resurrected. I'm a good person now. I think.
---
"where's your prince?"... I replied, "I don't know!" cutting the mojo potato in half. I had been in the dance floor all night.. that made me hungry. "He's somewhere", I continued.
"I think you should date a mason." My friend suggested. Then my eyes went clueless waiting for my friend to finish his statement. He could really see a big question mark on my face so he continued "so that someone can break the walls your creating". I jokingly replied "why not a welder, the walls I've created were made of iron."
---
If you have experience being hurt, your self defence skills increases. why would you let yourself be hurt again?! I'm not even aware of these walls but my friend read me correctly. I don't want to become a porcupine. "Go out! meet more people! drop your pots and pails. gardening is for old people. and learn to know them before you put on your guards. We are not getting any younger so don't waste your time."
---
I'm in my terrace. Its raining again. my cup is empty. no sign of him coming home tonight.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Prodigal Son
Riding Jeepney makes your mind wander while waiting for your next stop. Today, I passed by my favorite coffee shop. The logo caught my eyes. I was staring at it blankly, hypnotized. Like a moth bedazzled by the burning fire. It was tempting.
From a distance, funny how I could hear the short laughs of the people enjoying their newly brewed coffee. Sealing of business deals and gossiping are some activities in a coffee shop. I used to do both.
At times, I just enjoy being alone. Just me and my warm tall mocha. Wasting time, waiting for the time. Its like my third place already. I may not dare eating out or watch movie by myself, but in my favorite coffee shop, I feel that it’s ok to be alone.
Sip after sip, alternate with puff of Marlboro. Playing with my phone, checking my play list or logging to FB. Scrolling my phonebook list, checking friend who I can bother. And I thought, it’s already fun.
Who would have thought that a 3-n-1 coffee could be more fun? A 5 peso coffee compared to my favorite 160 peso tall mocha?
Before coming to work, just right after dinner, my parents and I enjoy sharing our cup of coffee. Talking about anything like the weather, news, politics, about us – our family. watching a tv show. It took me years to get my parent’s attention. You see, we are a party of 5. Being the fourth am always left out. All of them have left the house and have their own family. I have my parents all by myself. Just like the way I want them before. I love them.
From a distance, funny how I could hear the short laughs of the people enjoying their newly brewed coffee. Sealing of business deals and gossiping are some activities in a coffee shop. I used to do both.
At times, I just enjoy being alone. Just me and my warm tall mocha. Wasting time, waiting for the time. Its like my third place already. I may not dare eating out or watch movie by myself, but in my favorite coffee shop, I feel that it’s ok to be alone.
Sip after sip, alternate with puff of Marlboro. Playing with my phone, checking my play list or logging to FB. Scrolling my phonebook list, checking friend who I can bother. And I thought, it’s already fun.
Who would have thought that a 3-n-1 coffee could be more fun? A 5 peso coffee compared to my favorite 160 peso tall mocha?
Before coming to work, just right after dinner, my parents and I enjoy sharing our cup of coffee. Talking about anything like the weather, news, politics, about us – our family. watching a tv show. It took me years to get my parent’s attention. You see, we are a party of 5. Being the fourth am always left out. All of them have left the house and have their own family. I have my parents all by myself. Just like the way I want them before. I love them.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
100 days
100 days of solitude. I like the title though I have not read the book. Just the sound of it seems interesting. I promise to find time to read that book, I will. I'm not sure what I will be writing will be related to that story. I just want to write it. Again, i like the title.
Gas soars as high as $4 per gallon. Driving is not an option for me. Well, I don’t have my car. My car is with my brother. Mom always says the older kid should always gives way. I didn't buy it anyway. I didn’t come from my pocket. It was just a gift from my sister for a job well done. I guess my mom has installed that philosophy to my sister as well. Good grief!
Taxi had been my option. But seems like all the hard-work earn goes to taxi fare. We wouldn’t be working just for the taxi ride would we?
So I'm left with this option - riding Jeepney. I know it’s not cool. Yet, it’s fun perhaps because its been a while and it has been days still. It’s a longer route for me from home to work which makes me think a lot. Looking at the people, staring at their faces tells different stories, some happy some sad, some are in love and some are lonely. So which face do I have?
Looking at them made me feel that I'm just alright. And what I am going through will be temporary. I will make sure it is temporary.
Our clique has this pact, "We may be poor but we have a lifestyle to keep". Now I'm not sure how long I can keep that pact. Totally high-school-ish, I know. Thinking about it, makes me smile. Wow peer pressure, I thought I can only find it through my reading. This lifestyle is killing me. The confession a certified social climber.
Or perhaps it’s only in my mind. There’s nothing wrong with riding a jeepney, yes it’s a status symbol. But hey, the situation now calls for it. It’s hard to admit but I’m taking this bold step at least for 100 days.
To my fellow “kat-kat” I say goodbye for now. Like a worm waiting to become a butterfly. Wish I’m a kid again.. troubles of being an adult.
Gas soars as high as $4 per gallon. Driving is not an option for me. Well, I don’t have my car. My car is with my brother. Mom always says the older kid should always gives way. I didn't buy it anyway. I didn’t come from my pocket. It was just a gift from my sister for a job well done. I guess my mom has installed that philosophy to my sister as well. Good grief!
Taxi had been my option. But seems like all the hard-work earn goes to taxi fare. We wouldn’t be working just for the taxi ride would we?
So I'm left with this option - riding Jeepney. I know it’s not cool. Yet, it’s fun perhaps because its been a while and it has been days still. It’s a longer route for me from home to work which makes me think a lot. Looking at the people, staring at their faces tells different stories, some happy some sad, some are in love and some are lonely. So which face do I have?
Looking at them made me feel that I'm just alright. And what I am going through will be temporary. I will make sure it is temporary.
Our clique has this pact, "We may be poor but we have a lifestyle to keep". Now I'm not sure how long I can keep that pact. Totally high-school-ish, I know. Thinking about it, makes me smile. Wow peer pressure, I thought I can only find it through my reading. This lifestyle is killing me. The confession a certified social climber.
Or perhaps it’s only in my mind. There’s nothing wrong with riding a jeepney, yes it’s a status symbol. But hey, the situation now calls for it. It’s hard to admit but I’m taking this bold step at least for 100 days.
To my fellow “kat-kat” I say goodbye for now. Like a worm waiting to become a butterfly. Wish I’m a kid again.. troubles of being an adult.
Friday, March 18, 2011
TMI - Thursday...
Last week I met Brent. Oh yeah he rang my bell! No matter how I hid the bell inside me, just like in a lion dance, where the lion dancers jump high and low, trying to reach that red envelope. We've tried all positions, damn he's good in pushing. My knees gave in. and I think i left scratch marks on his back when i tried to get a grip.
its the after sex talk that I hate. most of the time, i fix myself, put on my shirt and bade goodbye. Well, with Brent, I was looking forward for a second round. so I stayed. then he started talking... how are you and all the blah blah... I tried to pay attention to him without him noticing that my knees were shaken. and then he asked.
Brent: How much did you lose weight?
Me: huh? why ask, I mean, how did you know that I used to be big?
Brent: butt cheeks... stretch marks?!?
Me: %^*&*...
I turned red, then purple... can I be dead?.. or can someone just shoot me... Imagine it was semi dark and yet he still noticed those fine lines? Arrrgghhh....
You know how some guys, say I love you or I care for you or even I like you after he cum... Surely this guy has full of surprises. 1st his package is surprsingly big, ironic to his body type, now stretch marks comment... then this...
He was about to cum, I could see it in his face... his pushing became more intense.. then finally... did you know what he said... "Good job!" and I just went... "what?"... he grabbed his wallet and gave me 500 peso bill...
At the back of my mind... like, what the F?! is he tripping or what? oh well at least i got fun and paid at the same time...
its the after sex talk that I hate. most of the time, i fix myself, put on my shirt and bade goodbye. Well, with Brent, I was looking forward for a second round. so I stayed. then he started talking... how are you and all the blah blah... I tried to pay attention to him without him noticing that my knees were shaken. and then he asked.
Brent: How much did you lose weight?
Me: huh? why ask, I mean, how did you know that I used to be big?
Brent: butt cheeks... stretch marks?!?
Me: %^*&*...
I turned red, then purple... can I be dead?.. or can someone just shoot me... Imagine it was semi dark and yet he still noticed those fine lines? Arrrgghhh....
You know how some guys, say I love you or I care for you or even I like you after he cum... Surely this guy has full of surprises. 1st his package is surprsingly big, ironic to his body type, now stretch marks comment... then this...
He was about to cum, I could see it in his face... his pushing became more intense.. then finally... did you know what he said... "Good job!" and I just went... "what?"... he grabbed his wallet and gave me 500 peso bill...
At the back of my mind... like, what the F?! is he tripping or what? oh well at least i got fun and paid at the same time...
Monday, February 28, 2011
I ask the question and my sister said NO
 |
| (i just got this pic online. this is not mine. anyone can claim it, just post soemthing and I'l delete it. thanks) |
my mom' greatest fear!
I don't have the courage to confront her.
she might die of heart attack and they will blame me.
so I ask my sister...
even if he's a doctor, a lawyer
a manager earning 3x what i'm earning now?
with SUV?
and my sister simply replied with NO.
I'm mostly obedient especially when
my sister gives me round trip tickets
when that time comes
i hope I don't have to choose.
(this is not a poem)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
the day I said enough!
I know I promised myself to stop being whiny but somehow writing it here helps... makes me feel good after... So let me just vent because I attempted to talk to my best friend and he just laughed at me...
I hate my government more today... I hate them because I pay my taxes on time and I declare the exact amount... but what i get in return... delayed services! they suck! They let you wait for nothing...
I went to DFA to renew my passport. I paid extra to have it rushed. I was too excited to celebrate my bday somewhere... but i got more stress... on top of the stress that i'l be turning big fat three ohhh. Initially they said it will be released March 2. Mind you I filed it Feb 8... and they claimed its rush service... so how long would a normal service takes? Do the math.
too excited to get on that plane.. I bought a ticket and scheduled it March 9. When I called DFA, department of fucking agency, I was told my passport wont be released until March 15. I told the receptionist that my flight is scheduled on the 9th. And she stupidly replied.. try making a follow up on the 11th? Are you fucking kidding me? Did she even hear what i said? The tickets were not inexpensive. Now I have to re-booked it. DFA did not even offered a refund of the rush fee they charged..
my best friend laughed about my experience. earlier, I arrived 9 minutes passed my schedule at work. I end the day submitting my resignation letter!
surprise.. I will be soon jobless... Why wont people just fuck me sideways!
I hate my government more today... I hate them because I pay my taxes on time and I declare the exact amount... but what i get in return... delayed services! they suck! They let you wait for nothing...
I went to DFA to renew my passport. I paid extra to have it rushed. I was too excited to celebrate my bday somewhere... but i got more stress... on top of the stress that i'l be turning big fat three ohhh. Initially they said it will be released March 2. Mind you I filed it Feb 8... and they claimed its rush service... so how long would a normal service takes? Do the math.
too excited to get on that plane.. I bought a ticket and scheduled it March 9. When I called DFA, department of fucking agency, I was told my passport wont be released until March 15. I told the receptionist that my flight is scheduled on the 9th. And she stupidly replied.. try making a follow up on the 11th? Are you fucking kidding me? Did she even hear what i said? The tickets were not inexpensive. Now I have to re-booked it. DFA did not even offered a refund of the rush fee they charged..
my best friend laughed about my experience. earlier, I arrived 9 minutes passed my schedule at work. I end the day submitting my resignation letter!
surprise.. I will be soon jobless... Why wont people just fuck me sideways!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW, SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING BLUE
Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been? I've been to... I've been to... I've been whoring...
Chinese New year, All Souls Day a.k.a. Valentines Day, Death Anniversary the day I met my ex... it was like all the stars aligned and ready to hit you and eat you alive.. what am i talking about.. blah blah. There had been a lot of holidays to celebrate.. a good reason to whore and be grateful... to get drunk and get laid... I wont get pregnant anyway.
that is something old. something new, I learned to use rubber!
"Something Borrowed is to represent to the bride that friends and family will be there for her on the special day and in the future when help is needed."
Somehow I misunderstood the line above. I took it literally, I borrowed by friend's boyfriend last valentine's day. Silly you Billy! of course without him knowing.. but wouldn't it be more fun if it was the three of us? Let me suggest that, when they get sour. Of course I wont keep the boyfriend, there's a reason why I termed it borrowed. of course I will be there to share my shoulder to a friend in need... and suggest manajatua..cool. then, we went to the cemetery and light a candle for our souls. after all, valentines day is also known as all souls day.
while the world was painted red last week... there was something blue. my face turned blue. poison... karma! if you give bull someone will give you shit! while puking my intestine out.. we'll I'm sure my toilet bowl was clean... I promise I wont drink tequila again...
are you kidding me?
Chinese New year, All Souls Day a.k.a. Valentines Day, Death Anniversary the day I met my ex... it was like all the stars aligned and ready to hit you and eat you alive.. what am i talking about.. blah blah. There had been a lot of holidays to celebrate.. a good reason to whore and be grateful... to get drunk and get laid... I wont get pregnant anyway.
that is something old. something new, I learned to use rubber!
"Something Borrowed is to represent to the bride that friends and family will be there for her on the special day and in the future when help is needed."
Somehow I misunderstood the line above. I took it literally, I borrowed by friend's boyfriend last valentine's day. Silly you Billy! of course without him knowing.. but wouldn't it be more fun if it was the three of us? Let me suggest that, when they get sour. Of course I wont keep the boyfriend, there's a reason why I termed it borrowed. of course I will be there to share my shoulder to a friend in need... and suggest manajatua..cool. then, we went to the cemetery and light a candle for our souls. after all, valentines day is also known as all souls day.
while the world was painted red last week... there was something blue. my face turned blue. poison... karma! if you give bull someone will give you shit! while puking my intestine out.. we'll I'm sure my toilet bowl was clean... I promise I wont drink tequila again...
are you kidding me?
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
his Confession
"I already have my round trip tickets" I announced to my college buddies. This May we'll be going to Cagayan for a wedding. I booked it as early as now to get a cheaper seat of course. One of my college buddies decided to commit suicide and tie the knot to his long time girlfriend. I think they have been together since college and that was like eons ago... I'm a little excited because I've never been to Cagayan. I want to try the white water rafting that they are sooo proud of. I heard their food too are great.
Another couple is supposed to get married this year. Unfortunately they were not able to level up their love to the next level, they broke up three years ago. I received a text message from the girl, she said "we're done! it's not happening". They were one of the sweetest couples back in college. sitting at the back portion of the cafeteria. duo study in the library. they were the "it" couple. Who would have thought, while scanning our yearbook, they'd break up. They were inseparable.
You see both of them were my friends. its difficult being caught in the crossfire. I kept an open mind on the situation on both parties. I could never be bias to anyone.
Just the other day, after three long years, the guy showed up to us. Quite long enough time already to settle all the sediments that caused the pain of being broken hearted and all. The guy is actually always here for Sinulog, its just this year that he decided to show up. it was not that awkward really, it was just like before, only they were on the opposite side of the table. They have moved on.
after the dinner, the girl with the new boyfriend went home. while the rest of the boys went for a drink. In Vino Veritas. Truly, the guy started to open up what happened. I didn't ask really. It would be rude of me, you see I'm not nosy. I admire him sharing it to me. Yes he recognized that girl and I were more close. (we've been classmates since from first year to fifth year). but he continued his story anyway...
you see, both their families have accepted each other already. according to the boy, the girl is all he is looking for as his wife. but no matter how he tried, he "couldn't bring his love to the next level". he said he didn't fall out of love... he just couldn't intensify his love... he didn't want to cheat. he was just being honest..blah.. blah.. blah.. in the middle of his sentence I was lost... hearing the first line brought me to a different space in time... I recalled, it was the same reason Mr Big said to me.. now i understood him, actually both of them...and his reasoning. either Mr Big did not explain it well to me, or I refused to listen.. but now i get it.. its just sad. not all love story has happy ending... in an intstant everything can change.
Another couple is supposed to get married this year. Unfortunately they were not able to level up their love to the next level, they broke up three years ago. I received a text message from the girl, she said "we're done! it's not happening". They were one of the sweetest couples back in college. sitting at the back portion of the cafeteria. duo study in the library. they were the "it" couple. Who would have thought, while scanning our yearbook, they'd break up. They were inseparable.
You see both of them were my friends. its difficult being caught in the crossfire. I kept an open mind on the situation on both parties. I could never be bias to anyone.
Just the other day, after three long years, the guy showed up to us. Quite long enough time already to settle all the sediments that caused the pain of being broken hearted and all. The guy is actually always here for Sinulog, its just this year that he decided to show up. it was not that awkward really, it was just like before, only they were on the opposite side of the table. They have moved on.
after the dinner, the girl with the new boyfriend went home. while the rest of the boys went for a drink. In Vino Veritas. Truly, the guy started to open up what happened. I didn't ask really. It would be rude of me, you see I'm not nosy. I admire him sharing it to me. Yes he recognized that girl and I were more close. (we've been classmates since from first year to fifth year). but he continued his story anyway...
you see, both their families have accepted each other already. according to the boy, the girl is all he is looking for as his wife. but no matter how he tried, he "couldn't bring his love to the next level". he said he didn't fall out of love... he just couldn't intensify his love... he didn't want to cheat. he was just being honest..blah.. blah.. blah.. in the middle of his sentence I was lost... hearing the first line brought me to a different space in time... I recalled, it was the same reason Mr Big said to me.. now i understood him, actually both of them...and his reasoning. either Mr Big did not explain it well to me, or I refused to listen.. but now i get it.. its just sad. not all love story has happy ending... in an intstant everything can change.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
SOS
Earlier today i received a text message from my best friend. it read SOS. too bad i received it late. told him i cant bring my phone inside the production floor as my reply. actually, i dont check my phone often even when I'm on break. i think I'm used to the idea that no one really cares... hehehe so no one sends me an SMS.. there I said it... or perhaps the fact that its night time and majority are asleep... and in the morning they are sooo considerate they wont bother me because they know I am asleep. ok enough justification... well, even globe stopped sending me spams. I'm not even familiar with my own ring tone. I cant recognize when in rings. I thought, I think I bought a very expensive alarm clock.
anyway, back to my friend. so I pressed send button and instantaneously my phone rang. wow! that fast? observing my friend when he uses his phone, his fingers were too fast.. he is a text freak. his fingers manage to find the buttons even with a blindfold. and I can even barely understand when some sentences are shorten. Aanyway, I answered the phone, " Bonjour, what's the emergency?"
To make the story short, my best friend and his boyfriend had a fight. they are office mates. my bestfriend couldn't stand seeing the boyfriend in the office. he sent the SOS because he wanted to ask me for a coffee break. Our offices are just 10 minutes away from the nearest Starbucks.
What caused the fight? he found out that his boyfriend has an account in planet romeo. well, the boyfriend restrained my best friend to create an account in facebook. In facebook? who doesn't have a facebook?!!
ending... they are in an open relationship. my best friend told the boyfriend, "Maybe, you want to explore... I give you the time and this opportunity" Fair enough I guess, they have been together for 6 years now...
"Darling, we cant prove that he has been fucking around, maybe meeting, ok fine... its given" I said to him. Then I told my best friend you created this rule as your ticket to cheat without the guilt! Remember that you've been cheating too! So don't be too mad...
the moral of the story is its safe to be single....
and I like this line.. it not really related... but to some point only...
and to quote Cheryl "you’ll avoid falling in love at all because the idea of being broken again is far worst than being alone"
anyway, back to my friend. so I pressed send button and instantaneously my phone rang. wow! that fast? observing my friend when he uses his phone, his fingers were too fast.. he is a text freak. his fingers manage to find the buttons even with a blindfold. and I can even barely understand when some sentences are shorten. Aanyway, I answered the phone, " Bonjour, what's the emergency?"
To make the story short, my best friend and his boyfriend had a fight. they are office mates. my bestfriend couldn't stand seeing the boyfriend in the office. he sent the SOS because he wanted to ask me for a coffee break. Our offices are just 10 minutes away from the nearest Starbucks.
What caused the fight? he found out that his boyfriend has an account in planet romeo. well, the boyfriend restrained my best friend to create an account in facebook. In facebook? who doesn't have a facebook?!!
ending... they are in an open relationship. my best friend told the boyfriend, "Maybe, you want to explore... I give you the time and this opportunity" Fair enough I guess, they have been together for 6 years now...
"Darling, we cant prove that he has been fucking around, maybe meeting, ok fine... its given" I said to him. Then I told my best friend you created this rule as your ticket to cheat without the guilt! Remember that you've been cheating too! So don't be too mad...
the moral of the story is its safe to be single....
and I like this line.. it not really related... but to some point only...
and to quote Cheryl "you’ll avoid falling in love at all because the idea of being broken again is far worst than being alone"
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
what have i done last year, eh?
I heard from a DJ one afternoon his point of view about new year's resolution and all... New year's resolution is supposed to be fun... like if you're all too serious about your job... then learn to keep it cool the next year... like be more out going... with that approach... somehow most resolutions will happen... rather than saying "I will be good next year"... 80% you wont be! Let's admit it.. we like to be bad!
Well, I don't do new year's resolution... what I have is to-do-list. Looking back, out of my 5 things... I have achieved at least 3. not bad i think.. it was a tough year for me... recovering from my finances for being alcoholic biatch! kidding! I have completed my room... not really completed... needs more fixtures and all... but at least I can sleep well now. Two months ago we moved to a new house... I kinda spent fortune to make my room a better place to sleep during morning...
Secondly, my team became the top team for 3 consecutive months... I'm proud.. I have proven myself that I can lead! 15 different personalities, I found their common interest and drove them to one goal. Imagine when they start crying-out like babies... its chaos! but they'll shut up when they see me, up from my desk, approaching them, one brow higher than usual... but I love them...
lastly, I got my baby! I like iPhone but my bb works just fine.. I've been wanting to change my phone. My best friend said "there are only 3 types of phone in the world, an iPhone, a blackberry and others" while glancing at my phone with devilish smile. He couldn't stand my phone.. he said it doesn't fit my status. Well, he gave me a a blackberry 9800 series.
I lost weight mid-year last year from 160lb to 130lb, I couldn't seem to reach 125lb which is my ideal weight.. it stopped at 130lb... but since because of the loooong holiday.. I gained again back to 140lb. I'm like an inflatable, I can gain and lose weight easily. starving season is here.. need to achieve that 125lb for the summer... so I can visit Boracay.. I promised myself I will not visit that island not until I'm physically ready.. I need to be size zero. heheheh
the last in my list, the love department. How can I manage 15 people yet fail to manage one relationship! well, I have not found the person who is patient enough. either they can't stand my shopping exercise, being alcoholic biatch, being a Pisces it's our nature to be extreemely jealous! Anyways, I like guys that can make me shut up, who has stronger personality, I must be the one who loves more. with a car is a plus but not required!
for this year... see my next post
Well, I don't do new year's resolution... what I have is to-do-list. Looking back, out of my 5 things... I have achieved at least 3. not bad i think.. it was a tough year for me... recovering from my finances for being alcoholic biatch! kidding! I have completed my room... not really completed... needs more fixtures and all... but at least I can sleep well now. Two months ago we moved to a new house... I kinda spent fortune to make my room a better place to sleep during morning...
Secondly, my team became the top team for 3 consecutive months... I'm proud.. I have proven myself that I can lead! 15 different personalities, I found their common interest and drove them to one goal. Imagine when they start crying-out like babies... its chaos! but they'll shut up when they see me, up from my desk, approaching them, one brow higher than usual... but I love them...
lastly, I got my baby! I like iPhone but my bb works just fine.. I've been wanting to change my phone. My best friend said "there are only 3 types of phone in the world, an iPhone, a blackberry and others" while glancing at my phone with devilish smile. He couldn't stand my phone.. he said it doesn't fit my status. Well, he gave me a a blackberry 9800 series.
I lost weight mid-year last year from 160lb to 130lb, I couldn't seem to reach 125lb which is my ideal weight.. it stopped at 130lb... but since because of the loooong holiday.. I gained again back to 140lb. I'm like an inflatable, I can gain and lose weight easily. starving season is here.. need to achieve that 125lb for the summer... so I can visit Boracay.. I promised myself I will not visit that island not until I'm physically ready.. I need to be size zero. heheheh
the last in my list, the love department. How can I manage 15 people yet fail to manage one relationship! well, I have not found the person who is patient enough. either they can't stand my shopping exercise, being alcoholic biatch, being a Pisces it's our nature to be extreemely jealous! Anyways, I like guys that can make me shut up, who has stronger personality, I must be the one who loves more. with a car is a plus but not required!
for this year... see my next post
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
celebrating love this Christmas
Some people can't live without partners. I know some friends.. they really go gaga if they don't have boyfriends. When they change partners, it's like changing diapers. no kidding! i mean that soon?!.. Sometimes it made me asked them if what they feel is true love or is it just for the heck of it. Funny! but for me I wont settle for any less...
I guess, that's why I'm still single, eh?! I mean there's nothing wrong with being single. Only holidays makes it bad. This Christmas, just like any other christmas, I have survived! It was tough but I made my way out the next day.
These past years, we dont celebrate christmas anymore. That makes it worse. You see, I'm the only one left with my parents. My sisters are in Canada, my brothers have their own famly already. Christmas eve in our house is just any ordinary day. Except for the poor tree in front of us this year, its dimly lighted with red, green and yellow bulbs!
I just figured how ironic, you see, its just the three of us, my mom, dad and me, yet we transfered to a bigger house. My mom said, what if your brothers and sister will come home? Where will they stay... Mom always has a point... Makes it more lonely actually. Although partly, I like it because I can sleep in the morning better. It's also a perfect place for emo mood. Its quite elevated and from my terrace, I can see the city. actually, quite romantic... its too quiet that sometimes the sound of silence is sooo deafening.. it makes you crazy.... if things get worse, jumping is an option for suicide.
Surprisingly, this Christmas is different. My cousin Janice arrived from Hongkong with her husband. Oh yeah she knows what I want. She brought Feigling. It's a vodka in small shot bottles and we alternate it with a super dry italian white wine. Perfect with our roast chicken. My brothers with their families visited us too. I'm not really a fan with kids but they behaved well... they even tag their dog along... eewwww... but it was a fun. It felt like I was a kid again. Now, that's Christmas, right?! Spending with people you love most.
The next day, I received a bag of chocolates... not just a small pouch but really a BAG of Cadbury and Lindt.. yum-yum.. I can't imagine how many calories that would cost me! its Christmas sooo I gave in. My cousin Joy from New Zealand opened the door and greeted me... wow! I've had soo many surprises for the past two days... I love my cousins.. they really know what i want... I know my sisters couldn't make it this Christmas, I have send them my greetings already! Nevertheless, the joy that I felt, you know that feeling, it was taken from you.. then you have it again... then you really miss so much.. you dont want to let go of that feeling... you linger on it... but you know it will be over soon... then you'll be back to your old self..
On a serious note, people see me as walking shopping bag... shopping helps sometimes.. its a therapy... but what I really want the most and appreciate the most, is the feeling of security... there are people who loves you.. and they are called your FAMILY. I'm blessed and that's the best gift i received this year and I'm grateful.
see I dont need a boyfriend!
I guess, that's why I'm still single, eh?! I mean there's nothing wrong with being single. Only holidays makes it bad. This Christmas, just like any other christmas, I have survived! It was tough but I made my way out the next day.
These past years, we dont celebrate christmas anymore. That makes it worse. You see, I'm the only one left with my parents. My sisters are in Canada, my brothers have their own famly already. Christmas eve in our house is just any ordinary day. Except for the poor tree in front of us this year, its dimly lighted with red, green and yellow bulbs!
I just figured how ironic, you see, its just the three of us, my mom, dad and me, yet we transfered to a bigger house. My mom said, what if your brothers and sister will come home? Where will they stay... Mom always has a point... Makes it more lonely actually. Although partly, I like it because I can sleep in the morning better. It's also a perfect place for emo mood. Its quite elevated and from my terrace, I can see the city. actually, quite romantic... its too quiet that sometimes the sound of silence is sooo deafening.. it makes you crazy.... if things get worse, jumping is an option for suicide.
Surprisingly, this Christmas is different. My cousin Janice arrived from Hongkong with her husband. Oh yeah she knows what I want. She brought Feigling. It's a vodka in small shot bottles and we alternate it with a super dry italian white wine. Perfect with our roast chicken. My brothers with their families visited us too. I'm not really a fan with kids but they behaved well... they even tag their dog along... eewwww... but it was a fun. It felt like I was a kid again. Now, that's Christmas, right?! Spending with people you love most.
The next day, I received a bag of chocolates... not just a small pouch but really a BAG of Cadbury and Lindt.. yum-yum.. I can't imagine how many calories that would cost me! its Christmas sooo I gave in. My cousin Joy from New Zealand opened the door and greeted me... wow! I've had soo many surprises for the past two days... I love my cousins.. they really know what i want... I know my sisters couldn't make it this Christmas, I have send them my greetings already! Nevertheless, the joy that I felt, you know that feeling, it was taken from you.. then you have it again... then you really miss so much.. you dont want to let go of that feeling... you linger on it... but you know it will be over soon... then you'll be back to your old self..
On a serious note, people see me as walking shopping bag... shopping helps sometimes.. its a therapy... but what I really want the most and appreciate the most, is the feeling of security... there are people who loves you.. and they are called your FAMILY. I'm blessed and that's the best gift i received this year and I'm grateful.
see I dont need a boyfriend!
Friday, December 17, 2010
User-Friendly Friend
"Friends are there for you when you are sad...but Best Friends already have a shovel to bury the loser that made you cry"
For most of my friends, that’s how we define our friendship. We don't often see each other but when someone gives a ring, you know it’s an emergency. Something must be up, either a good news or not so good news.
Fast forward... Stan and I hang out a lot; we share the same interest, which is coffee. During weekends, like in the lazy afternoons, we stay at the nearest Starbucks burning our lungs out with Marlboro lights and a cup of coffee on the other hand. He always has his drip while I have my cafe mocha. Sometimes, we do that after shopping bags of clothes, shoes and some stuff...
Fast Forward... He found the love of his life, Dave. They are all crazy together. They are showy most of the time, which makes me puke. Seriously, I'm happy for them. While I, have my reasons why I decided to stay single. Other than the fact that no one is interested yet.. ..hahaha... I'm just playing in the safe side. I have become a scared-y cat. Rejection seems traumatic. (a round of applause for those who can relate)
Fast Forward… Things have changed between Stan and Dave. Dave started to be cold while Stan has become insecure. Just to keep Stan sane, I gave him reasons and possibilities and all the good what ifs and maybes. “What if he is just sleeping or maybe his phone is off because he’s bat is empty. Or simply he left his phone. He couldn’t be seeing someone else! Will you stop with that thought, you are just making your own problem”
His insecurities have eaten him alive. To make thing worse, he went to see his ex for a quick sex fix. What a wrong move! That is the problem I told him. Dave is not to blame. Remember, thinkers are doers!
Fast Forward… Then I met Paul. Paul is a good guy. They are friends with Dave. We started hanging out. Yes, I like him. But I know he is just not the right guy for me. I do care a little. But I know myself better now; so we remained friends.
Stan is still crazy about Dave. He invites Paul for dinner just to ask the whereabouts of Dave. Crazy huh?! (I shouldn’t be jealous because Paul and I are just friends but its more than that)
Stan has history of doing that. I heard other people talk. People say he is manipulative selfish bitch. He goes his way just to get what he wants. Well, we are friends so I just ignore them and I think that is just normal.
Too bad because Stan has proven himself to me what other people were saying are true. When I learned he went to see Paul, I know what’s in his mind. I don’t care if he sleeps with Paul, that’s not my worry. Ok I’m lying… maybe partly. The main reason is… all Paul sees about Stan is he is a good friend. What Paul didn’t know is Stan is talking behind his back, all the dirty works.
Stan might have my Jack for the night but what Stan forgot I have his Ace of a lifetime. When his secret is out that he went to his ex for a quick sex fix, he knows everything will be over with Dave.
Revenge is sweet but I will rest my case for the holiday. I have changed and I have grown out of it. Too bad for you, you just lost my shovel! You can never drag me back to my old self. I dont want to be a trouble maker again. I hope you will have a peace of mind.
For most of my friends, that’s how we define our friendship. We don't often see each other but when someone gives a ring, you know it’s an emergency. Something must be up, either a good news or not so good news.
Fast forward... Stan and I hang out a lot; we share the same interest, which is coffee. During weekends, like in the lazy afternoons, we stay at the nearest Starbucks burning our lungs out with Marlboro lights and a cup of coffee on the other hand. He always has his drip while I have my cafe mocha. Sometimes, we do that after shopping bags of clothes, shoes and some stuff...
Fast Forward... He found the love of his life, Dave. They are all crazy together. They are showy most of the time, which makes me puke. Seriously, I'm happy for them. While I, have my reasons why I decided to stay single. Other than the fact that no one is interested yet.. ..hahaha... I'm just playing in the safe side. I have become a scared-y cat. Rejection seems traumatic. (a round of applause for those who can relate)
Fast Forward… Things have changed between Stan and Dave. Dave started to be cold while Stan has become insecure. Just to keep Stan sane, I gave him reasons and possibilities and all the good what ifs and maybes. “What if he is just sleeping or maybe his phone is off because he’s bat is empty. Or simply he left his phone. He couldn’t be seeing someone else! Will you stop with that thought, you are just making your own problem”
His insecurities have eaten him alive. To make thing worse, he went to see his ex for a quick sex fix. What a wrong move! That is the problem I told him. Dave is not to blame. Remember, thinkers are doers!
Fast Forward… Then I met Paul. Paul is a good guy. They are friends with Dave. We started hanging out. Yes, I like him. But I know he is just not the right guy for me. I do care a little. But I know myself better now; so we remained friends.
Stan is still crazy about Dave. He invites Paul for dinner just to ask the whereabouts of Dave. Crazy huh?! (I shouldn’t be jealous because Paul and I are just friends but its more than that)
Stan has history of doing that. I heard other people talk. People say he is manipulative selfish bitch. He goes his way just to get what he wants. Well, we are friends so I just ignore them and I think that is just normal.
Too bad because Stan has proven himself to me what other people were saying are true. When I learned he went to see Paul, I know what’s in his mind. I don’t care if he sleeps with Paul, that’s not my worry. Ok I’m lying… maybe partly. The main reason is… all Paul sees about Stan is he is a good friend. What Paul didn’t know is Stan is talking behind his back, all the dirty works.
Stan might have my Jack for the night but what Stan forgot I have his Ace of a lifetime. When his secret is out that he went to his ex for a quick sex fix, he knows everything will be over with Dave.
Revenge is sweet but I will rest my case for the holiday. I have changed and I have grown out of it. Too bad for you, you just lost my shovel! You can never drag me back to my old self. I dont want to be a trouble maker again. I hope you will have a peace of mind.
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