I have always known that I like guys. I guess my parents know about it. They just can't dare to ask me. I don’t have the courage to tell them as well. It will break their hearts and my four siblings will hang me upside down if my parents die of a heart attack after hearing my confession. I just can't take that guilt until eternity. So I will just leave, as it is, a mere speculation.
If I were to turn back time, I'd rather be straight. Who won't?! Be it a lad or a lady. Whatever is less complicated. But I guess its a little bit too late for this lifetime. As if we can correct it. It doesn’t feel wrong.
It's not like it’s a choice between yes and no. I just let it happen. I have tried to avoid it but it haunted me more. I prayed and prayed but the more it drew me closer to crossing the line. I became a devotee but I became the person I hate, a hypocrite. It’s not like a demon being cast out from oneself.
Besides I'm way over the confusion state and I have made up my mind. To PLUs, we know its hard to fight for it. Somehow this feeling always wins. Especially right after our first bite of the same kind. Literally and figuratively. . anyhow...
Although at one time I had this high school crush. A girl. Every time I see her, I don't know but my heart just leaps in glee. Especially if she paints a smile in her face every time our path crossed in the hallway. She was my senior. I never had the chance to tell her I like her. She graduated and I have not seen her since then. I wonder if things would have been different if I had asked her out. Or will it be more complicated.
I graduated college. I met this girl at work. We became good friends. In one of our drinking sessions, we played truth or dare. She was dared to kiss me. Without hesitations approached me and gave me that kiss. Caught unguarded, I froze and I couldn't move and I was about to explode. My spirit left my body. What was that? I thought. My first kiss from a girl. Wow. The alcohol suddenly was drained out from my system, sober. Can somebody pinch me if it was real. Then I noticed her brows met in confusion. She asked if it bothered me and told me it was just a kiss. So I pretended it did not affect a single cell in me. But for the rest of the night I went silent. Contemplating on the kiss.
That was when confusion started. I thought I was already sure about myself. I can be with girls. There was a magical sparkle on that kiss. Attraction. I had sleepless night thinking about it. It was good.
It was a long debate in my mind. But I realized girls are delicate and emotional. I can’t handle fooling them...
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