Goodbye....

It tears me to say goodbye... But some people just leave. and it hurts. But there's nothing you can do with pain but deal with it. feel it. Until you get numb. I still remember way back in high school when my best friend, Leah, left for Australia. I was in a hurry to get to the airport. I nearly miss it because she was about ready to go inside the departure's waiting room. She asked me not to cry because she hated it and she would end up crying too. She was done with her make up and all and she didn't want me to ruin it.

She was my critic. I was lousy in the clothes department while she nailed it. An over sized t-shirt and denim will do for me. (alright.. justice guys.. it was early 90's... high waist.. tapered denim...) I miss our late night phone calls. Mostly we talked about her crush which was my neighbor. She was crazy about him. They end up as a couple but eventually they broke up.

One time she went to my room and brought with her four bottles of beer. My mom found out about it and went ballistic. It was funny... remembering it makes me smile. it was my first taste of beer.

Then i met Niel. However he became a Stepford's wife. He is on steady with his bf for 5 years now. His bf is so paranoid of the idea of me and Niel together even for a coffee. What a jealous boyfriend. For Pete's sake, Niel is just my best friend. But I have understood that I couldn't meet him that often anymore since they started. Like a vampire when you were just bitten by your creator then suddenly he just left you to roam the city alone to hunt. It was lonely.

He was the kind of student who sleeps during Math period and asks for your paper during exams. We was touchy during class. It made a goose flesh out of me. When we graduated high school, I found out that he slept with half of the boys in class. I couldn't imagine. How could that be. Or perhaps i was too hooked up with my science project that I did not bother. You can't blame me; I'm a geek with a mom who actively participates in church and a dad who run for a local baranggay position.

He was my mentor and introduced me to some PLU's. He brought me to some party scenes and met a lot of guys. He made me realize who I am; a naughty catholic student. But not just naughty; the one who sleeps with guys. He made me hate my old self; the kind that is righteous and hypocrite. He made me real. He was the first one to slap me when I'm day dreaming. He is a true friend.

Anne died of a heart attack at the age of 25. Without warning... without even saying goodbye. She just left. And she'll never be coming back. I hated her guts at first. But eventually we became good friends. She was good in foreign exchange and stock market. She was a good influence. She had good taste in things. To a lot of things. She worked her way to success.. she was always in a meeting with the a lot of big boss here in Cebu.

Then, there was Mr. B. Who suddenly he realized that he no longer loves me on my birthday two years ago. That was a devastating goodbye. Although at one point were sweet with each other. He was really nice and thoughtful when we were together. Breakfast together. late night phone calls. Sweet nothings and all that crap. Sometimes I missed him too. It was a good experience. There were things that worth noting only him has done. Undeniably, I loved him.

And there were more. Friends come and go. Some went to Singapore and even as far as Norway. My two sisters are in Canada. My brother got married and went on his own. Some transferred company; some transferred floors.

But now it's my time to say goodbye. This time I am the one leaving. I'm quitting my job. I have been here for 5 years. and its my first job. I just know that it time for me to say goodbye. I'm leaving Cebu too. Although I will just be 45 minutes away by airplane... But its somewhere I don't know anyone and no body knows me. Somewhere I can start new. I will leave everything. My nice room.. my car.. my friends and even my parents...

Will I also be missed? would it be the same feeling as the one being left? They say the one who is left behind always gets hurt.. Isn't it supposed to be an equal feeling?